But on the other hand I did happen to write down what happened in my dream on the night of Monday, July19th...
I found myself in a marvelous castle with beautiful architecture. The castle was mine to defend, I was part of a select group of elite medieval militia. Our group was formed of only men as the proprietor of the castle was very masculinist, oh yes. If there are feminists, my dream can totally have masculinists. Regardless, to the owner of this castle women were worthless. They weren't just objects... they were floorboards. The halls of this castle were lined with two rows of girls, one row facing one way, the other facing the other. Obviously, the way they faced affected the way traffic was to flow.
There was this one girl in the floorboards I found particularly beautiful and every time I walked over her I would drop to the floor, kiss her forehead, and tell her I was going to save her from this place. I told her just how beautiful she was, that she deserved a better life, that she wasn't like all the rest of the floorboards, she could have a future if only she got out of here. Naturally, she thought I was incredibly creepy. Little did she realize she had magical properties.
The siren goes off! It's time for battle! Our army heads out to the courtyard, where a group of horsemen, demons, minotaurs, and goblins await with a large wall. Their plan was to crush us alive in between this wall and the walls of the castle. Our archers fired many arrows that formed a line across the center of the courtyard. Our jousters launched their spears along this line. Every man with a sword ran forward and held the line. The enemy pushed their wall forward and when it hit our arrows, spears, and swords time froze. Yes, time froze and someone rolled a giant twenty sided die. The enemy rolled a 1, and our army rolled a 20. Time started up again and the enemy was launched into the air! Within moments every airborne creature was skewered.
In celebration the King gave me VIP tickets to the Three Days Grace concert and I was oh so excited! I knew exactly who I was going to take with me. Floorboard girl. In a few dream hours, which in reality are only seconds, we find ourselves there. But what's this? The lead sings has been doing far too many drugs and burned his lips. They tried to fix them with plastic surgery and failed horribly. He had a horrible dead-green complexion, all of his pores had become stretched, his lips sagged and flapped with every movement of his jaw. Honestly, this was probably the worst VIP concert in the world. We were sitting on wooden bleaches, the stage was merely a camping table/bench, and nobody was playing an instrument.
Floorboard girl and I decided it would be best to leave this place, so we went over to my friend's apartment. The three of us sat on the couch watching The Little Mermaid, when all of a sudden the girl made a proclamation. "Whoever sports my magical fedora will have any and every wish of theirs granted." My friend, being completely content with his life, passed me the hat. He smiled at me and left the room.
*Wish* *Wish* Wish*
Much later on in the dream my friend's sister stole the fedora and used the material to make a magic wand. When I found out I tried to no avail to get this wand back. She would run around the house wishing obstacles into my path and wishing me further and further away until finally, finally I grabbed the wand... We ended up snapping it in two and she died somehow and I became my friend's new little sister. Curses.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
On the night of Tuesday, July 20th, Blues drank before bed...
A young man was lying on his deathbed... his dying wish? To see what Final Fantasy VII Crisis Core looks like on the PSP. I figured I could grant him at least that much. So I start playing, but damn, I got hooked on that stuff faster than an ex-tweaker would get hooked on meth again. During the third boss fight I ran over to the edge of couch to show him the gameplay, but I killed the boss before he looked at the screen.
A loud siren goes off. Oh shit! It's 15:45 and I'm supposed to be at... Aaron's Tae Kwon Do class? I head outside and pause. It looks like a very serious storm is a brewing. I run over to the town gym and I realize my friend Steve and a bunch of other folk from my town are running for the hills. As Steve passes me he tells me that I probably want to get the hell out of town if I know what's good for me. Curious...
When I get to the gym the front doors are wide open and the lights are flickering on and off. Everything is an eerie magical shade of dark grey-blue that you only ever see before a storm. I run through the gym from front to back and as I push open the back doors I see the Tae Kwon Do class lined up behind Aaron. He turns and says, ladies and gentlemen we've got three guns and as you all know Josh gets seniority. He pushes an SMG into my hands. He doesn't have to tell me why I need it.
When I look away from the guns I find myself looking down the barrel of a tank. On both sides of this tank there are some strictly suppress-fire tanks, and beside them are the two targeting tanks for the center tank (it can only fire once the other tanks have locked on to a target). Behind all of the tanks are two lines of men with guns.
The commander of the center tank tells his men not to fire until fired upon, because the target may still come peacefully. "I'M A COWARD!" I shout, tossing my gun into the air. Sadly I must have pulled the trigger as I let go and stray fire hits some of the army. "OPEN FIRE" shouts their commander. Before I get any further, Aaron dashes in front of me and pushes the gun back in my hands. "I don't train cowards. Turn around."
The gunfight really doesn't last as long as it should, seemingly nobody brought that much ammunition? No, no, nevermind. It's because we were to have an intense ninja brawl. They all move forward doing patterns, prepared to destroy. I suddenly get a burst of courage and sprint forward, as one of them is throwing a kick I crouch to the right to dodge, and side kick them in the stomach. I roll to the side quickly and dodge the axe-kick I wasn't supposed to know about. Back kick to that guy's stomach, grab his ears and flip him over me into two other guys. Before they can even fall down I've already jumped into the air and kicked them both in the face at the same time. As their backs hit the ground I'm standing on their faces. I turn to look at my next victim when I realize everyone here is one of my friends, zombified? Hypnotized? Something-ed.
For a brief moment, I get the sense that somewhere not too far from here and evil plant woman is laughing. During this moment I'm hit. Many bullets hit me. Their machine guns weren't made for piercing flesh, just stunning. I turn to run for cover and hey, there's a school bus behind me and a chalkboard to the right. I turn around again and realize my tae kwon do group and I are behind a couch. Aaron tells us we've got the advantage now and if we play our cards right we can win this. Everyone without a gun is bait and I'm to take out the targeting tanks using our special machine-gun.
This machine-gun is no normal gun, you have to point it at the same target for 5 seconds while it locks on. There's a loading bar on the laser sight that starts flashing when it's ready to fire. This makes the tank fight THAT much more dramatic and drawn out. I peer around the corner and take aim for the left one first. We both tag each other at the same time. The left tank is done for and the center tank takes out a tae kwon do student. I go to the other edge of the couch and take a gander with my gun-der around the corner. Take aim. Same as last time. Looks like the center tank is blind-firing.
I crawl under the couch and take aim... We fire. I miss and everyone undercover is blown into the air. I land behind a chunk of the school bus. Oh no! My girl! My girl's been hit! She says, "Take my gun... It's your only hope now. Take my wallet with my life's savings and live well after your victory... And know... That I've always loved you." She dies in my arms. This was a very dramatic, tear jerking moment, even after taking into consideration that she had no character introduction.
The commander of the tank pops open the hatch and stands up. This is too easy, I'm going to take you out with my handgun, for SnG's. I stand up and reveal my position. Dramatic dialogue dramatic dialogue dramatic dialogue. He decides I'm not worth his bullets anymore because he doesn't want any drama on his shells. His remaining machine-gunners machine-gun me down.
You can't kill me, Commander Reicherson. You have far too much hate, and nobody with pure evil in their heart can kill me.
"WORDS OF SHOCK!" and I pierce his heart in one swift pull of a trigger.
Far off in the distance a man in a white tuxedo sips his red wine. "Good show, good show, our time has come so it seems, yes." The camera leaves my body and I get to watch this great cinematic. I hold out Girl's handgun, close one eye, and tilt my head to the right. Pull the trigger.
Bullet's eye view from the camera as it soars across fields, hills, through a forest, gets struck by lightning, shatters the wine glass and hits the man in the white tuxedo right between the eyes. He falls to the ground staring blankly at the sky. The camera zooms out and it would appear he was having a one man dinner party in a forest clearing. There were elegant tables with foods and fine wines, with lights hanging from the vines. The voice of the forest cackles, the battle's just begun.
I woke up at this point. Took a shower. Went back to bed. I'll post part two after I get off work tonight :)
A loud siren goes off. Oh shit! It's 15:45 and I'm supposed to be at... Aaron's Tae Kwon Do class? I head outside and pause. It looks like a very serious storm is a brewing. I run over to the town gym and I realize my friend Steve and a bunch of other folk from my town are running for the hills. As Steve passes me he tells me that I probably want to get the hell out of town if I know what's good for me. Curious...
When I get to the gym the front doors are wide open and the lights are flickering on and off. Everything is an eerie magical shade of dark grey-blue that you only ever see before a storm. I run through the gym from front to back and as I push open the back doors I see the Tae Kwon Do class lined up behind Aaron. He turns and says, ladies and gentlemen we've got three guns and as you all know Josh gets seniority. He pushes an SMG into my hands. He doesn't have to tell me why I need it.
When I look away from the guns I find myself looking down the barrel of a tank. On both sides of this tank there are some strictly suppress-fire tanks, and beside them are the two targeting tanks for the center tank (it can only fire once the other tanks have locked on to a target). Behind all of the tanks are two lines of men with guns.
The commander of the center tank tells his men not to fire until fired upon, because the target may still come peacefully. "I'M A COWARD!" I shout, tossing my gun into the air. Sadly I must have pulled the trigger as I let go and stray fire hits some of the army. "OPEN FIRE" shouts their commander. Before I get any further, Aaron dashes in front of me and pushes the gun back in my hands. "I don't train cowards. Turn around."
The gunfight really doesn't last as long as it should, seemingly nobody brought that much ammunition? No, no, nevermind. It's because we were to have an intense ninja brawl. They all move forward doing patterns, prepared to destroy. I suddenly get a burst of courage and sprint forward, as one of them is throwing a kick I crouch to the right to dodge, and side kick them in the stomach. I roll to the side quickly and dodge the axe-kick I wasn't supposed to know about. Back kick to that guy's stomach, grab his ears and flip him over me into two other guys. Before they can even fall down I've already jumped into the air and kicked them both in the face at the same time. As their backs hit the ground I'm standing on their faces. I turn to look at my next victim when I realize everyone here is one of my friends, zombified? Hypnotized? Something-ed.
For a brief moment, I get the sense that somewhere not too far from here and evil plant woman is laughing. During this moment I'm hit. Many bullets hit me. Their machine guns weren't made for piercing flesh, just stunning. I turn to run for cover and hey, there's a school bus behind me and a chalkboard to the right. I turn around again and realize my tae kwon do group and I are behind a couch. Aaron tells us we've got the advantage now and if we play our cards right we can win this. Everyone without a gun is bait and I'm to take out the targeting tanks using our special machine-gun.
This machine-gun is no normal gun, you have to point it at the same target for 5 seconds while it locks on. There's a loading bar on the laser sight that starts flashing when it's ready to fire. This makes the tank fight THAT much more dramatic and drawn out. I peer around the corner and take aim for the left one first. We both tag each other at the same time. The left tank is done for and the center tank takes out a tae kwon do student. I go to the other edge of the couch and take a gander with my gun-der around the corner. Take aim. Same as last time. Looks like the center tank is blind-firing.
I crawl under the couch and take aim... We fire. I miss and everyone undercover is blown into the air. I land behind a chunk of the school bus. Oh no! My girl! My girl's been hit! She says, "Take my gun... It's your only hope now. Take my wallet with my life's savings and live well after your victory... And know... That I've always loved you." She dies in my arms. This was a very dramatic, tear jerking moment, even after taking into consideration that she had no character introduction.
The commander of the tank pops open the hatch and stands up. This is too easy, I'm going to take you out with my handgun, for SnG's. I stand up and reveal my position. Dramatic dialogue dramatic dialogue dramatic dialogue. He decides I'm not worth his bullets anymore because he doesn't want any drama on his shells. His remaining machine-gunners machine-gun me down.
You can't kill me, Commander Reicherson. You have far too much hate, and nobody with pure evil in their heart can kill me.
"WORDS OF SHOCK!" and I pierce his heart in one swift pull of a trigger.
Far off in the distance a man in a white tuxedo sips his red wine. "Good show, good show, our time has come so it seems, yes." The camera leaves my body and I get to watch this great cinematic. I hold out Girl's handgun, close one eye, and tilt my head to the right. Pull the trigger.
Bullet's eye view from the camera as it soars across fields, hills, through a forest, gets struck by lightning, shatters the wine glass and hits the man in the white tuxedo right between the eyes. He falls to the ground staring blankly at the sky. The camera zooms out and it would appear he was having a one man dinner party in a forest clearing. There were elegant tables with foods and fine wines, with lights hanging from the vines. The voice of the forest cackles, the battle's just begun.
I woke up at this point. Took a shower. Went back to bed. I'll post part two after I get off work tonight :)
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Alucard. You wish you could be that anti-hero.
On the afternoon of July 17th, Blues got to bed WAY too late after a night of working on his Aikon costume...
Anybody ever buy a flowbee? The magical hair cutting tool that's got a little grate with a fan behind it. This fan is powered by a vacuum. Now, in the future they have flowbees that run on superpowered TriLithium Chloride... Apparently. This flowbees never need to be plugged into a wall and believe it or not they have remote controls! These flowbees and float freely through the skys cutting the hair of whoever you please!
This was the infomercial that kicked off my dreams.
Whoever you please? Hmm... I thought for about half a moment and came to this conclusion. I wanna shave my pussy. *Whistles* "SUE! SUE GET OVER HERE!"
As my cat runs into the room I send the flowbee spiraling across the room and onto her back. The first fan (closest to the grate) gets caught in her fur and the second fan kicks into overdrive. What I have now is a flying cat! I pick Sue up a few feet off the ground, when the flowbee gives way and she drops. Down descends my flowbee, up goes the cat. Wash, rinse, repeat.
After a very enjoyable time I wonder what it would be like if I did this to myself, I mean, it's likely that since I'm a human it'll do a fine job of cutting my hair and that will be that. But I've never been a believer in what's LIKELY to happen. No, no, this flowbee can pick me up I'm sure.
Well... It can't. I get the worlds worst haircut. I drop to my knees and pull out my razor. "Jesus, why have you done this to me? Why must you take all that is beautiful from my life?" These are the words I repeat over and over. I started off weeping and worked my way to screaming them. Contrary to what I've lead you to believe, screaming these words was far from passionate. This is because at the same time I was using my razor to cut a cross into my face. A thick cross that I would be able to peel off.
The bottom thick yet the edges bend inwards towards my nose, bending outwards again under my eyes. Stop. Up to my brow. Stop. Curve back down over the top of my eyes and back to the bridge of my nose. Stop. Up to my hairline and curve inward to meet again.
I tear off this cross quickly like a bandaid, and like anyone does with a normal bandaid I check if it's still sticky. I slap it around my wrist and it fits like a new bracelet. Now it's time to show off my new costume to the folks at Aikon. I drive downtown and attempt to exit my vehicle. Oh... Am I being mugged? They fire countless rounds into my body. Oddly enough, with every bullet that pierces my body my grin becomes a little larger. Becoming a smile. Becoming madness. I laugh. I laugh hysterically as my body gets blown apart. With my swiss cheese arms I pull out my revolvers... And blow away some f**king faces. Black holes remain (?) where these faces used to be and they start sucking up my worlds. Everything spins. Spiraling into these holes, the world distorts, stretches, and pours like a rooftop-painting being rained on would distort before gushing through the holes of an old roof. The world makes sense to only disturbed minds and schizophrenics, much like my last analogy.
I awake, it's just a dream. I've fallen asleep in the backseat of a friend's car.
"We're almost there."
We pull into the driveway. Exit the vehicle. Walk into the back yard and sit down at the table. This bbq is going to be excellent!
"Hey Josh, how do you like your gangsters?"
"Rare."
Anybody ever buy a flowbee? The magical hair cutting tool that's got a little grate with a fan behind it. This fan is powered by a vacuum. Now, in the future they have flowbees that run on superpowered TriLithium Chloride... Apparently. This flowbees never need to be plugged into a wall and believe it or not they have remote controls! These flowbees and float freely through the skys cutting the hair of whoever you please!
This was the infomercial that kicked off my dreams.
Whoever you please? Hmm... I thought for about half a moment and came to this conclusion. I wanna shave my pussy. *Whistles* "SUE! SUE GET OVER HERE!"
As my cat runs into the room I send the flowbee spiraling across the room and onto her back. The first fan (closest to the grate) gets caught in her fur and the second fan kicks into overdrive. What I have now is a flying cat! I pick Sue up a few feet off the ground, when the flowbee gives way and she drops. Down descends my flowbee, up goes the cat. Wash, rinse, repeat.
After a very enjoyable time I wonder what it would be like if I did this to myself, I mean, it's likely that since I'm a human it'll do a fine job of cutting my hair and that will be that. But I've never been a believer in what's LIKELY to happen. No, no, this flowbee can pick me up I'm sure.
Well... It can't. I get the worlds worst haircut. I drop to my knees and pull out my razor. "Jesus, why have you done this to me? Why must you take all that is beautiful from my life?" These are the words I repeat over and over. I started off weeping and worked my way to screaming them. Contrary to what I've lead you to believe, screaming these words was far from passionate. This is because at the same time I was using my razor to cut a cross into my face. A thick cross that I would be able to peel off.
The bottom thick yet the edges bend inwards towards my nose, bending outwards again under my eyes. Stop. Up to my brow. Stop. Curve back down over the top of my eyes and back to the bridge of my nose. Stop. Up to my hairline and curve inward to meet again.
I tear off this cross quickly like a bandaid, and like anyone does with a normal bandaid I check if it's still sticky. I slap it around my wrist and it fits like a new bracelet. Now it's time to show off my new costume to the folks at Aikon. I drive downtown and attempt to exit my vehicle. Oh... Am I being mugged? They fire countless rounds into my body. Oddly enough, with every bullet that pierces my body my grin becomes a little larger. Becoming a smile. Becoming madness. I laugh. I laugh hysterically as my body gets blown apart. With my swiss cheese arms I pull out my revolvers... And blow away some f**king faces. Black holes remain (?) where these faces used to be and they start sucking up my worlds. Everything spins. Spiraling into these holes, the world distorts, stretches, and pours like a rooftop-painting being rained on would distort before gushing through the holes of an old roof. The world makes sense to only disturbed minds and schizophrenics, much like my last analogy.
I awake, it's just a dream. I've fallen asleep in the backseat of a friend's car.
"We're almost there."
We pull into the driveway. Exit the vehicle. Walk into the back yard and sit down at the table. This bbq is going to be excellent!
"Hey Josh, how do you like your gangsters?"
"Rare."
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Josh Versus the Juggernaut
What can I say that the video hasn't already covered?.. How about... Watch it.
Josh Versus the Assassin
Whoa, this guy does videos? Keep in mind this was almost three years ago...
My first official post.
Boys and girls let me admit something to you. All earlier posts were victims of CopyPasta from my Facebook Notes, but fear not! Many of the newer posts will be logged the second I wake up, with the exception of when I find old text files on my harddrive.
This last weekend I've had some awfully strange dreams, the details of which by now have begun to blur together. I've decided to type them out to the best of my memory in one post for ease of reading and because I really can't break them up any more than this.
*Ahem*
A weekend about watered down cars, a lesson.
I'm sitting in the front seat of my Tiburon, buckled in. Outside my car is torrential rain.
IN said rain are my friends, enjoying a round of paintball. Sure I'd love to go and play with them but unfortunately my seatbelt release is broken and I'm stuck fast in my car. There are bigger problems to worry about though, such as the fact that water is pouring into my car from every edge of every window. Naturally I've got a tube of caulk with me, so I start trying to seal the windshield... To no avail. In fact, I just make things incredibly worse. Every time I push the nozzle of my caulk against the windshield the seal becomes weaker and more water splashes in.
My car quickly fills and I begin to drown, but my friends don't seem to care. No, they're all preoccupied with their fancy little guns and brightly coloured balls. MAY I MENTION that, somehow, every stray paintball shot hits my car leaving a huge splatter and dent. Disappointed, dejected, and drowned, I die.
I wake up on my auntie's couch. Everything seems alright. Better than alright! My car is out front in the sun with no damage. AND. I'm happily back together with my ex girlfriend. Things are going swimmingly. I dwell on that word. Swimmingly. Rain clouds gather outside. A thunderstorm begins. The girl and I run out to my car, as she grabs the passenger door handle the car is struck by lightning. She has a stroke and half of her face becomes paralyzed. My car starts to fill with water again. Why is everything dripping? Dripping?.. Dripping... My girlfriend's face is melting. The color bleeds off her face and onto the ground. Her clay face becomes dis-shapened and I suddenly have the right to make up words. Her eyes melt and globs of white streak down her tar like being. She becomes a puddle of muck as I stand in the rain watching my life melt away.
*Pause.* I must apologize. One year without an English class and my punctuation goes to shit. Eww.
When I awake I'm walking down a dark street with a friend. Drunk. I see a nearby car and think it funny to pour some vodka on the hood in the form of a smiley face. My friend finds it even funnier to set said smiley ablaze. Knowing alcohol, cars, and fire, the situation becomes heated. For a second the smile lights up, cute and flaming. Then it winks at me.
The car bursts into flames.
My friend begins to laugh and throws his bottle of vodka on the roof of the car, not noticing the little girl walking down the sidewalk next time the vehicle. As the bottle smashes, the girl is pelted with shrapnel and becomes soaked in highly flammable hundred-and-something-proof vodka. Knowing fumes... the girl is set ablaze as well. My friend laughs as she runs into the street screaming. She collapses to the asphalt, writhing in agony, moaning. She quickly becomes little more than a charred corpse. As I watch in horror, her eyeballs melt and pour down her cheeks.
I run. I run so fucking far away. Back across the street to my hole in the wall apartment. Literally. Like, Hulk smashed this wall and the big opening in the bricks is my doorway... on the third floor. How about that, eh? I climb up the rope ladder and into my living room. As I turn to look back at the crime scene I hear sirens. Thank Jesus, an ambulance pulls up next to the charcoal, I mean, girl. As they hop out of the back with the stretcher, the nearby flaming car explodes. Within milliseconds the ambulance explodes, killing the rescue crew. I fall to my knees and begin to cry.
After an hour I decide to visit my friend in the complex and I step out into the hall. A group of science fiction cosplayers are throwing a hall-party, just my luck. I get crowd surfed all the way to my friend's apartment and on my way in two cat-girls give me their phone numbers. I'll call them from jail. My friend is watching farmer vision on his retro television, bunny-ears and all. After filling him in on the situation I ask if I can stay the night on his couch. He agrees on the condition that I don't keep him up any longer. He has to tend to the golf course in the morning.
I wake up. Lift my head. I'm at the office. The seniors walk past me shaking their heads. I need to wake up... So I walk to the other end of the office and enter the Wal-Mart section. Frozen goods, children's toys, produce... Drinks! Cola, cola, tonic, sprite, Energy drinks. Sweet sweet lifeblood. I have about four RedRains and head back to my desk, just in time to answer a call from my mother. Odd. She's calling from 1-800-Got-Blud...
"Hello?"
"I don't like living without a heart" she says to me.
I have an image of my mother covered in blood in a bathtub of ice.
"What?"
"Remember when my ex boyfriend kidnapped me yesterday, in the truck?" she adds.
I have a flashback. He's got her over his shoulder as he runs out of the house. Throws her in the trunk, hops in the truck, and drives away. His head spins around like in the exorcist and he laughs like a maniac.
"I don't like living without a heart..." are her dying words.
I fall to the floor for the second time this dream session, but this time, only to die.
I don't like living without a heart.
This last weekend I've had some awfully strange dreams, the details of which by now have begun to blur together. I've decided to type them out to the best of my memory in one post for ease of reading and because I really can't break them up any more than this.
*Ahem*
A weekend about watered down cars, a lesson.
I'm sitting in the front seat of my Tiburon, buckled in. Outside my car is torrential rain.
IN said rain are my friends, enjoying a round of paintball. Sure I'd love to go and play with them but unfortunately my seatbelt release is broken and I'm stuck fast in my car. There are bigger problems to worry about though, such as the fact that water is pouring into my car from every edge of every window. Naturally I've got a tube of caulk with me, so I start trying to seal the windshield... To no avail. In fact, I just make things incredibly worse. Every time I push the nozzle of my caulk against the windshield the seal becomes weaker and more water splashes in.
My car quickly fills and I begin to drown, but my friends don't seem to care. No, they're all preoccupied with their fancy little guns and brightly coloured balls. MAY I MENTION that, somehow, every stray paintball shot hits my car leaving a huge splatter and dent. Disappointed, dejected, and drowned, I die.
I wake up on my auntie's couch. Everything seems alright. Better than alright! My car is out front in the sun with no damage. AND. I'm happily back together with my ex girlfriend. Things are going swimmingly. I dwell on that word. Swimmingly. Rain clouds gather outside. A thunderstorm begins. The girl and I run out to my car, as she grabs the passenger door handle the car is struck by lightning. She has a stroke and half of her face becomes paralyzed. My car starts to fill with water again. Why is everything dripping? Dripping?.. Dripping... My girlfriend's face is melting. The color bleeds off her face and onto the ground. Her clay face becomes dis-shapened and I suddenly have the right to make up words. Her eyes melt and globs of white streak down her tar like being. She becomes a puddle of muck as I stand in the rain watching my life melt away.
*Pause.* I must apologize. One year without an English class and my punctuation goes to shit. Eww.
When I awake I'm walking down a dark street with a friend. Drunk. I see a nearby car and think it funny to pour some vodka on the hood in the form of a smiley face. My friend finds it even funnier to set said smiley ablaze. Knowing alcohol, cars, and fire, the situation becomes heated. For a second the smile lights up, cute and flaming. Then it winks at me.
The car bursts into flames.
My friend begins to laugh and throws his bottle of vodka on the roof of the car, not noticing the little girl walking down the sidewalk next time the vehicle. As the bottle smashes, the girl is pelted with shrapnel and becomes soaked in highly flammable hundred-and-something-proof vodka. Knowing fumes... the girl is set ablaze as well. My friend laughs as she runs into the street screaming. She collapses to the asphalt, writhing in agony, moaning. She quickly becomes little more than a charred corpse. As I watch in horror, her eyeballs melt and pour down her cheeks.
I run. I run so fucking far away. Back across the street to my hole in the wall apartment. Literally. Like, Hulk smashed this wall and the big opening in the bricks is my doorway... on the third floor. How about that, eh? I climb up the rope ladder and into my living room. As I turn to look back at the crime scene I hear sirens. Thank Jesus, an ambulance pulls up next to the charcoal, I mean, girl. As they hop out of the back with the stretcher, the nearby flaming car explodes. Within milliseconds the ambulance explodes, killing the rescue crew. I fall to my knees and begin to cry.
After an hour I decide to visit my friend in the complex and I step out into the hall. A group of science fiction cosplayers are throwing a hall-party, just my luck. I get crowd surfed all the way to my friend's apartment and on my way in two cat-girls give me their phone numbers. I'll call them from jail. My friend is watching farmer vision on his retro television, bunny-ears and all. After filling him in on the situation I ask if I can stay the night on his couch. He agrees on the condition that I don't keep him up any longer. He has to tend to the golf course in the morning.
I wake up. Lift my head. I'm at the office. The seniors walk past me shaking their heads. I need to wake up... So I walk to the other end of the office and enter the Wal-Mart section. Frozen goods, children's toys, produce... Drinks! Cola, cola, tonic, sprite, Energy drinks. Sweet sweet lifeblood. I have about four RedRains and head back to my desk, just in time to answer a call from my mother. Odd. She's calling from 1-800-Got-Blud...
"Hello?"
"I don't like living without a heart" she says to me.
I have an image of my mother covered in blood in a bathtub of ice.
"What?"
"Remember when my ex boyfriend kidnapped me yesterday, in the truck?" she adds.
I have a flashback. He's got her over his shoulder as he runs out of the house. Throws her in the trunk, hops in the truck, and drives away. His head spins around like in the exorcist and he laughs like a maniac.
"I don't like living without a heart..." are her dying words.
I fall to the floor for the second time this dream session, but this time, only to die.
I don't like living without a heart.
I had a waking dream. Please tell me ghosts aren't real.
Let the record state that every time I sleep at Kristina's, once I'm the only one in the house I have horrible nightmares...
On the morning of Thursday, January 7, 2010 at 7:19am, Blues had a waking dream...
At the family reunion my cousin Wyatt asks me to fill the pool, so I pull on the lever and it opens the garage!
My aunty gets mad at me about this and kicks everyone out of the house. Max and I go to ask my Uncle how to fill the pool when he keels over and dies! I catch him half way and let him down to the ground easy. As I start to mourn he sits up a bit and looks at me, lets out a smile and says "You'd be good with dead people!" But before I can celebrate his lack of being dead, a group of farmers shows up and guns down my family. "Sorry," they say "We thought you were elk."
As I run off into the woods crying, I come across the bonfire. All my friends are getting drunk, and partying it up in the camper and on the trampoline. But oh no! The fire is dying! Where is all the firewood? About 10km away down the gravel road. Lets take my mom's car and see what we can do.
Drunk driving down a gravel road for firewood? I think so, being the life-concious passenger I am. Wesley almost immediately crashes the car in a ditch where it turns upside down in a snowbank. I think at this point the farmers came back and killed everyone here too. "Sorry," they say "We thought you were elk."
I wake up. Like I'm actually awake at this point. THOUGH. Somehow, even though I'm awake, I can't move my body. At all. I suddenly realize that I'm all too familiar with how this usually plays out... Face down in the pillow, I open my eyes and see the room as if I were face up. I'm awake, aware that I'm laying face down on the pillow, why am I dreaming and unable to move? Why can I see the room? These questions won't matter for long.
I hear the footsteps in the hallway. I hear the knives scraping against each other. The door opens and in walks the somewhat familiar figure, though this time it's more burglar-esque. Before I can remember to not look it in the eyes, it raises it's head and I look into those dark abysses. They fill with noticible rage and the figure goes rabid. Erratically sprints over to the bed and starts going savage. Slashes my clothes with its messed up talon fingers. Stabs me with knives. Pummels me. Then something I wasn't expecting happens. It picks me up and throws me about the room, smashing me into walls, pushing me to the ground and stomping me. As I'm getting killed by this nut, I lay in bed unable to move trying to wake up my body. Screaming quietly. I want the world to hear me. I want someone to wake me up.
All I have is my own voice. And before the strange humanoid mugger creature can slash my throat...
My voice reaches my ears and I violently wake up my body. Thrashing and screaming. I hate when this happens...
On the morning of Thursday, January 7, 2010 at 7:19am, Blues had a waking dream...
At the family reunion my cousin Wyatt asks me to fill the pool, so I pull on the lever and it opens the garage!
My aunty gets mad at me about this and kicks everyone out of the house. Max and I go to ask my Uncle how to fill the pool when he keels over and dies! I catch him half way and let him down to the ground easy. As I start to mourn he sits up a bit and looks at me, lets out a smile and says "You'd be good with dead people!" But before I can celebrate his lack of being dead, a group of farmers shows up and guns down my family. "Sorry," they say "We thought you were elk."
As I run off into the woods crying, I come across the bonfire. All my friends are getting drunk, and partying it up in the camper and on the trampoline. But oh no! The fire is dying! Where is all the firewood? About 10km away down the gravel road. Lets take my mom's car and see what we can do.
Drunk driving down a gravel road for firewood? I think so, being the life-concious passenger I am. Wesley almost immediately crashes the car in a ditch where it turns upside down in a snowbank. I think at this point the farmers came back and killed everyone here too. "Sorry," they say "We thought you were elk."
I wake up. Like I'm actually awake at this point. THOUGH. Somehow, even though I'm awake, I can't move my body. At all. I suddenly realize that I'm all too familiar with how this usually plays out... Face down in the pillow, I open my eyes and see the room as if I were face up. I'm awake, aware that I'm laying face down on the pillow, why am I dreaming and unable to move? Why can I see the room? These questions won't matter for long.
I hear the footsteps in the hallway. I hear the knives scraping against each other. The door opens and in walks the somewhat familiar figure, though this time it's more burglar-esque. Before I can remember to not look it in the eyes, it raises it's head and I look into those dark abysses. They fill with noticible rage and the figure goes rabid. Erratically sprints over to the bed and starts going savage. Slashes my clothes with its messed up talon fingers. Stabs me with knives. Pummels me. Then something I wasn't expecting happens. It picks me up and throws me about the room, smashing me into walls, pushing me to the ground and stomping me. As I'm getting killed by this nut, I lay in bed unable to move trying to wake up my body. Screaming quietly. I want the world to hear me. I want someone to wake me up.
All I have is my own voice. And before the strange humanoid mugger creature can slash my throat...
My voice reaches my ears and I violently wake up my body. Thrashing and screaming. I hate when this happens...
ONCE. I had a dream that didn't make any f**king sense.
On the night of Thursday, January 7, 2010 at 7:19am, Blues had a dream...
So I'm driving my mom's car through a blizzard, and the roads are pretty much made of ice. There's got to be a good reason for this right? Of course there is. I'm driving to Jules' house to let him know I texted him. A couple 360s and a few "almosthittheditch"s later and there I am. 365 Days Street. Where does Jules live? In Yearsvill probably. Anywho, he comes out of his house and says we need to go to safeway. I text Dan to let him know we can play Left for Dead 2 in about 2 hours when I get home.
When I look up, to my surprise, I find that a plane has crashed into Jules' house destroying it. 0_o
The plane was somewhat broken in half and ablaze, so naturally my instincts lead me to walking inside the wreckage. Every now and then a large blast of fire would shoot forth from the cockpit's closed door, though ducking behind the seats was enough to avoid these. I was trying to make my way to the door, when suddenly my dream was similar to Dead Space in no gravity areas. I was jumping into the walls, ceiling, and back to the floor to avoid being shot by the Airplane Personnel & Flight attendants... who happened to be wearing fireproof hazmat suits. Go figure.
Naturally I'm pro enough that I got them to shoot each other by jumping inbetween them. Booyah.
My reward is the door. I open it to find that I'm at a public pool better than the one at West Ed and I walk through the front corridor. I find stalls where people stand and smoke cigarettes indoors though it turns out the stalls are showers... I go into the actual pool area and play on some waterslides for a bit. I jump from one slide to another and the Staff decide that I'm too rowdy and kick me out. So I go for a swim in a nearby hotel pool only to find that my front crawl is very messy. I apoligize to the soaked patrons and take a look at what this place has to offer in the way of waterslides. Well, it's a winter ice slide without the ice... And some toboggans.
I leave to go to work, when I realize I can't work tonight! I have to play a show at the old folks home! I call my supervisor who tells me that I HAVE to work tonight because it's just us dealing with the refusals! Oh snap. Refusal cases. I hop on my vespa and hope for the besta. TURNS out I TURNED the wrong way onto a one way street! Why do these things always happen to me? We'll worry about that later, right now I'm getting a helmet from Zach Braff. He briefly tells me, Go forth you have a helmet! Nothing can hold you back from your dreams! How... odd.
I get to the old folks home just in time for Karaoke. The old crone is singing her favorite song from the 60's, I think it was something like "One day you'll be old and live in a retirement home" No. Haha, that wasn't it. But there was some point where the old bat sang with all her heart and let loose a raspy scream "YEAAAAAAAAH!" Pfft. Elderly. I suppose it's more interesting that while this was going on I was dancing like J.T. to entertain the old folk. YES. I WAS BRINGING SEXY BACK.
The old woman starts crying about her long lost love when guess who shoes up? Her long lost love! It's Sailor Tom, and he looks exactly like you'd imagine a sailor would. Because you imagined him! (that's what everyone in my dream told me, though at the time I thought they were insane) He thanks Rodna for singing their song and they have a wonderful moment. Tom looked like a 6.5 tall wideset Sailor with cartoon like coloration, and a strange moustache that looked more like upside down furry bags under his eyes. I went out back to the Marina to find that Sailor Ezeikial had thrown my touque in the water. But when did he get it? Well Zach Braff was dead in the water, and I passed it off to him when he gave me the helmet. Uh oh.
No worries, Dumbledore reaches into the water and pulls out a yellow touque with black stripes and explains that magic turns green yellow. He then gives me my touque while Ezeikial lets out an old fashioned "Curses!" I get on a boat and sail all the way to calculus class, where everbody appreciates my lack of standing out. Wow look at that kid! He's dressed so normally and doesn't stand out.
It's been a good day at the office.
So I'm driving my mom's car through a blizzard, and the roads are pretty much made of ice. There's got to be a good reason for this right? Of course there is. I'm driving to Jules' house to let him know I texted him. A couple 360s and a few "almosthittheditch"s later and there I am. 365 Days Street. Where does Jules live? In Yearsvill probably. Anywho, he comes out of his house and says we need to go to safeway. I text Dan to let him know we can play Left for Dead 2 in about 2 hours when I get home.
When I look up, to my surprise, I find that a plane has crashed into Jules' house destroying it. 0_o
The plane was somewhat broken in half and ablaze, so naturally my instincts lead me to walking inside the wreckage. Every now and then a large blast of fire would shoot forth from the cockpit's closed door, though ducking behind the seats was enough to avoid these. I was trying to make my way to the door, when suddenly my dream was similar to Dead Space in no gravity areas. I was jumping into the walls, ceiling, and back to the floor to avoid being shot by the Airplane Personnel & Flight attendants... who happened to be wearing fireproof hazmat suits. Go figure.
Naturally I'm pro enough that I got them to shoot each other by jumping inbetween them. Booyah.
My reward is the door. I open it to find that I'm at a public pool better than the one at West Ed and I walk through the front corridor. I find stalls where people stand and smoke cigarettes indoors though it turns out the stalls are showers... I go into the actual pool area and play on some waterslides for a bit. I jump from one slide to another and the Staff decide that I'm too rowdy and kick me out. So I go for a swim in a nearby hotel pool only to find that my front crawl is very messy. I apoligize to the soaked patrons and take a look at what this place has to offer in the way of waterslides. Well, it's a winter ice slide without the ice... And some toboggans.
I leave to go to work, when I realize I can't work tonight! I have to play a show at the old folks home! I call my supervisor who tells me that I HAVE to work tonight because it's just us dealing with the refusals! Oh snap. Refusal cases. I hop on my vespa and hope for the besta. TURNS out I TURNED the wrong way onto a one way street! Why do these things always happen to me? We'll worry about that later, right now I'm getting a helmet from Zach Braff. He briefly tells me, Go forth you have a helmet! Nothing can hold you back from your dreams! How... odd.
I get to the old folks home just in time for Karaoke. The old crone is singing her favorite song from the 60's, I think it was something like "One day you'll be old and live in a retirement home" No. Haha, that wasn't it. But there was some point where the old bat sang with all her heart and let loose a raspy scream "YEAAAAAAAAH!" Pfft. Elderly. I suppose it's more interesting that while this was going on I was dancing like J.T. to entertain the old folk. YES. I WAS BRINGING SEXY BACK.
The old woman starts crying about her long lost love when guess who shoes up? Her long lost love! It's Sailor Tom, and he looks exactly like you'd imagine a sailor would. Because you imagined him! (that's what everyone in my dream told me, though at the time I thought they were insane) He thanks Rodna for singing their song and they have a wonderful moment. Tom looked like a 6.5 tall wideset Sailor with cartoon like coloration, and a strange moustache that looked more like upside down furry bags under his eyes. I went out back to the Marina to find that Sailor Ezeikial had thrown my touque in the water. But when did he get it? Well Zach Braff was dead in the water, and I passed it off to him when he gave me the helmet. Uh oh.
No worries, Dumbledore reaches into the water and pulls out a yellow touque with black stripes and explains that magic turns green yellow. He then gives me my touque while Ezeikial lets out an old fashioned "Curses!" I get on a boat and sail all the way to calculus class, where everbody appreciates my lack of standing out. Wow look at that kid! He's dressed so normally and doesn't stand out.
It's been a good day at the office.
Fragmented dreams
For starters, something tells me there's more to this dream that I forgot to document when I woke up.
On an early eve Sunday, January 17, 2010 at 7:36pm, Blues had a dream...
I'm at EB games and I happen to find the first 6 Mega Man games for NES, in golden cartridges. I don't know about you guys but I happen to consider this a good find.
Especially for the $12 they were asking per game. But alas, I don't exactly need all 6, I have some of them already. But which? Lets ask M.Fontaine!
He suggests that I just buy them all considering that I have so much cash to spare. So I do, as well as all the videogames in the store. I also buy the first round of coffee for everyone in the building! It just so happens that this EB games is also a family run restaurant. But oh no! I misplaced my wallet. The shopkeep is very upset with me and turns nearly everyone in the building into zombies and sends her assistant to kill me and Dan.
Dan has this great idea to take cover in my auntie Laura's house so that while we run away from zombies we can sneak food from the counter-tops and fridge. Seems innocent enough. The assistant is chasing us through the house, throwing molotovs all over the place and brandishing a Masamune. A considerable amount of walls are destroyed and we take refuge in the basement, only to discover that the kid's playroom is a secret military base... or something to that effect. I hack into their MacBook Pro (obviously the computer of choice for an underground/undercover military base) and I try to find out how to kill the monster. Dan contacts me through my headset and says that he's been cornered by the assistant and to head upstairs. Then the house collapses from the flames and we all die.
On an early eve Sunday, January 17, 2010 at 7:36pm, Blues had a dream...
I'm at EB games and I happen to find the first 6 Mega Man games for NES, in golden cartridges. I don't know about you guys but I happen to consider this a good find.
Especially for the $12 they were asking per game. But alas, I don't exactly need all 6, I have some of them already. But which? Lets ask M.Fontaine!
He suggests that I just buy them all considering that I have so much cash to spare. So I do, as well as all the videogames in the store. I also buy the first round of coffee for everyone in the building! It just so happens that this EB games is also a family run restaurant. But oh no! I misplaced my wallet. The shopkeep is very upset with me and turns nearly everyone in the building into zombies and sends her assistant to kill me and Dan.
Dan has this great idea to take cover in my auntie Laura's house so that while we run away from zombies we can sneak food from the counter-tops and fridge. Seems innocent enough. The assistant is chasing us through the house, throwing molotovs all over the place and brandishing a Masamune. A considerable amount of walls are destroyed and we take refuge in the basement, only to discover that the kid's playroom is a secret military base... or something to that effect. I hack into their MacBook Pro (obviously the computer of choice for an underground/undercover military base) and I try to find out how to kill the monster. Dan contacts me through my headset and says that he's been cornered by the assistant and to head upstairs. Then the house collapses from the flames and we all die.
The one where I had a space suit.
During an afternoon nap on Monday, January 18, 2010 at 4:38pm, Blues had a dream...
As I'm falling asleep I pay close attention to my lungs, expanding and contracting. Slowly I lose track of what I'm paying attention to and get rocked to sleep by my oscillating chest.
I open my eyes to find that I'm no longer in my bed, and the oscillating is that of my suit's oxygen generator. Toto and I aren't in Kansas anymore, no, we're in space. Basking in the dark orange-yellow light reflected off a nearby planet I analyze my surroundings.
I'm floating just above the surface of the ship, apparently I was exploring the nearby area, checking if all the outer equipment is in working order. The commander calls in on the headset "Hanson! We're about to break the atmosphere get the hell inside the ship!". I look for an entrance and can't seem to find any unlocked vents or hatches. Looks like I'm S.O.L. Suddenly the cargo area of the ship opens and I'm sucked inside by it's vacuum force. Flying at high speed in my drop suit seems somewhat safe, but I figure I'll pull my chute for good measure...
My chute rips from my back and the cords snap, leaving only the emergency handles. I manage to grab one and it slows me... slightly. I'm thrown to the floor and the cargo bay closes. The commander tells me never to pull any stunts like that again. Little does he know.
"ALRIGHT TROOPS TIME TO DROP!" and with that the hanger bay opens and everyone is sucked out of the ship. But my chute is broken! As I'm being dragged across the floor by the wind I manage to get one hand on the handle of my chute. Into the air I go! Cheers and screams from all the other passengers are all I can hear, other than the sound of intense winds of course. As we fall towards the planet many people start pulling at their chutes. I wish I had it as easy as them!
No later than the moment I wish for a better chute does "The Falling Chute Salesman" appear. "What can I do yah fer?" says the FCS. Obviously a parachute! But it's not that easy, no, he has to list off all the kinds of chutes he has and all of the prices! By the time I pick which chute I want I've hit the ground. I'm alive though, little thanks to the pile of mud I landed in and many thanks to my drop suit. The FCS throws a chute at me and says "All transactions are final!" *Sigh*
Darcey tells me he needs me to carry his backpack to the base because he has some stops to make. He tells me I'm carrying the bag with the food in it and he'll hold onto the one with supplies and clothes. "Make sure there's something left in that bag, eh?" he says. His loss.
I grab a waterbottle, some Crystal Light Chunky, and half a sandwich. Score!
I'm pretty sure the Crystal Light Chunky killed me, because I woke up after I drank it.
I open my eyes to find that I'm no longer in my bed, and the oscillating is that of my suit's oxygen generator. Toto and I aren't in Kansas anymore, no, we're in space. Basking in the dark orange-yellow light reflected off a nearby planet I analyze my surroundings.
I'm floating just above the surface of the ship, apparently I was exploring the nearby area, checking if all the outer equipment is in working order. The commander calls in on the headset "Hanson! We're about to break the atmosphere get the hell inside the ship!". I look for an entrance and can't seem to find any unlocked vents or hatches. Looks like I'm S.O.L. Suddenly the cargo area of the ship opens and I'm sucked inside by it's vacuum force. Flying at high speed in my drop suit seems somewhat safe, but I figure I'll pull my chute for good measure...
My chute rips from my back and the cords snap, leaving only the emergency handles. I manage to grab one and it slows me... slightly. I'm thrown to the floor and the cargo bay closes. The commander tells me never to pull any stunts like that again. Little does he know.
"ALRIGHT TROOPS TIME TO DROP!" and with that the hanger bay opens and everyone is sucked out of the ship. But my chute is broken! As I'm being dragged across the floor by the wind I manage to get one hand on the handle of my chute. Into the air I go! Cheers and screams from all the other passengers are all I can hear, other than the sound of intense winds of course. As we fall towards the planet many people start pulling at their chutes. I wish I had it as easy as them!
No later than the moment I wish for a better chute does "The Falling Chute Salesman" appear. "What can I do yah fer?" says the FCS. Obviously a parachute! But it's not that easy, no, he has to list off all the kinds of chutes he has and all of the prices! By the time I pick which chute I want I've hit the ground. I'm alive though, little thanks to the pile of mud I landed in and many thanks to my drop suit. The FCS throws a chute at me and says "All transactions are final!" *Sigh*
Darcey tells me he needs me to carry his backpack to the base because he has some stops to make. He tells me I'm carrying the bag with the food in it and he'll hold onto the one with supplies and clothes. "Make sure there's something left in that bag, eh?" he says. His loss.
I grab a waterbottle, some Crystal Light Chunky, and half a sandwich. Score!
I'm pretty sure the Crystal Light Chunky killed me, because I woke up after I drank it.
It was Lucas, Mommy! It was Lucas!
A time not so far from now, a group of adults were playing an innocent game of tag. Possibly involving lasers. Running through a field, hiding behind houses, and climbing telephone poles.
These ADULTS were none other than Josh, Dan, Wes, Darcey, and I suppose there was a teenager who wasn't 18 yet, Corey.
A young boy, RJ, ran after the boys trying to join their game. In a last ditch effort to ditch the boy Josh beat the shit out of him. He grabbed the boy by the front of his shirt and sucker punched him a many good times. The boy dropped and started to scream for his mother. When she got there she demanded to know who had done this to her boy. RJ said "Lucas, Lucas did it!"
Lucas (the young boy who just appeared) dropped his jaw. "What?! I didn't do anything! It was..." but his sentence was cut short by a bullet to the face. A bullet that came from the revolver. A revolver that was fired by RJ's mom.
OH SHIT was the general consensus, and we all booked shit to the Scarecrows. After all of us had hopped onto the scarecrows backs they grew wings. Not just the regular kind of wings. Devil/demon wings! ...And they flew us all the way to Victoria's house party.
When we got there Josh found out that his younger cousins were playing Wii in the basement and that they had thrown the remote through Victoria's television. Needless to say they suffered the same fate as RJ. When Josh's aunt arrived the younger cousins said that it was Darcey!
Darcey pulled a Darcey and ripped off the front door of the house, screaming like a banshee. I would have said Hulk, but that would imply that he had a masculine voice. Anywho, the police showed up almost immediately to warrant an arrest. I grabbed the urn from the mantlepiece and removed the lid... "Oh spirit of Victoria Stephens' dead relative, send me back an hour in time!" and I closed my eyes and blew the ashes all over the living room.
I open my eyes to find that I'm not an hour back in my life, I'm an hour back in time in exactly the same place. Brandon was getting yelled at by madame Lag. so I threw the empty urn at her. A jump high five was in order and it was served. Booyah.
These ADULTS were none other than Josh, Dan, Wes, Darcey, and I suppose there was a teenager who wasn't 18 yet, Corey.
A young boy, RJ, ran after the boys trying to join their game. In a last ditch effort to ditch the boy Josh beat the shit out of him. He grabbed the boy by the front of his shirt and sucker punched him a many good times. The boy dropped and started to scream for his mother. When she got there she demanded to know who had done this to her boy. RJ said "Lucas, Lucas did it!"
Lucas (the young boy who just appeared) dropped his jaw. "What?! I didn't do anything! It was..." but his sentence was cut short by a bullet to the face. A bullet that came from the revolver. A revolver that was fired by RJ's mom.
OH SHIT was the general consensus, and we all booked shit to the Scarecrows. After all of us had hopped onto the scarecrows backs they grew wings. Not just the regular kind of wings. Devil/demon wings! ...And they flew us all the way to Victoria's house party.
When we got there Josh found out that his younger cousins were playing Wii in the basement and that they had thrown the remote through Victoria's television. Needless to say they suffered the same fate as RJ. When Josh's aunt arrived the younger cousins said that it was Darcey!
Darcey pulled a Darcey and ripped off the front door of the house, screaming like a banshee. I would have said Hulk, but that would imply that he had a masculine voice. Anywho, the police showed up almost immediately to warrant an arrest. I grabbed the urn from the mantlepiece and removed the lid... "Oh spirit of Victoria Stephens' dead relative, send me back an hour in time!" and I closed my eyes and blew the ashes all over the living room.
I open my eyes to find that I'm not an hour back in my life, I'm an hour back in time in exactly the same place. Brandon was getting yelled at by madame Lag. so I threw the empty urn at her. A jump high five was in order and it was served. Booyah.
The Elaborate Complexities of the Night
Watching Movies
As we sit in my games room watching high def movies the controller suddenly dies. We definitely need a faster way of charging it because it's pertinent to continuation of the film.
I know the best way for us to go about doing this! Let's cut off the power cord from the microwave and put the positive to the positive on the battery, and the negative to the negative on the battery. You know what next? Lets plug it in!
Swallowing Battery Acid
Needless to say that wasn't the best idea. The battery starts oozing this neon green liquid all over the carpet and as it burns through the floor, Corey says it's ionized Mercury and will make me live forever. So I pick up the battery and pour the Ionized Mercury into my mouth.
I get the worst acid reflux in my life and start dying. Falling to the floor in agony and everything. I need a good puke and how!
Trying to find Epicac
Clearly this is too serious for a hospital to handle, we need to go to CLC. When we get there, we realize it looks more like an insane asylum than a school. Following the signs we managed to get to the Medical Ward, not we just need to find someone who knows their shit.
Chartier and the enormous puke
Chartier jumps out of the vent on the ceiling and flips to land on his feet. Abnormally eccentric for his character and moving like a wacky waving arm flailing inflatable tube man, he dips into his pocket and pulls out a spoon. He pulls a lever on the wall and epicac pours from the spout on the wall into his spoon. "Take it now!" he says. So I take it and the next part of my dream plays out almost exactly like the youtube video. (http://www.youtube.com/wat
Selinius
While I'm cleaning up my puke Selinius happens to pull up in her new wheel chair. Acting abnormally uneccentric for her character she says that our last Pokebattle rendered her unable to use her legs and I need to control my Pikachu. After a sincere apology and an explanation that the event never happened that was just another dream she said she would help me.
The pile of notes and napkins
She pulls out a big backpack from her chair's under-the-seat-compartment
Alex's Birthday
Suddenly we're all at Alex's house standing in the doorway. His mom tells us to drive safe because the Tundra is a dangerous place. Confused, we start to dress appropriately. You know, by not putting on anything particularly warm. Except for Corey.
Corey and Urahara's hat
Corey must have reached into an anime for this hat, but he just so happened to be wearing a big ol' sandal hat with green stripes and a slice in the rim. After we admired it for a few minutes it was impregnated with our attention and turned into a fetus.
Corey and the Fetus
There were many moments of bickering with "Corey you're wearing a fetus" and "No it's a sandal hat" being the only phrases uttered. Corey got frustrated with our "lies" and ran out into the... Arctic Tundra? Yeah...
The arctic tundra and the jungle gym
Corey ran out into the deadly whipping snow and across the ice, fighting snow wolves and stabbing the sea creatures that broke the surface for a tasty meal. He ran until he got to the Island of Warm, and then we chased after him. The Island of Warm was a wonderful swamp-like place that kind of really sucked. Corey tagged Kristina and ran across a slippery ledge laughing, he then jumped onto the trampoline on the other side, and onto the monkey bars. Kristina turned around and tagged me and I ran to tag Corey. Well, with full intent on tagging Corey anyway.
The unfrozen swamp and the crocodile
The ledge broke away and I fell, with not much to grab onto except for the snow fence. As the plastic stretched I dropped closer and closer towards the swamp. Kristina refused to grab my hand because she thought I just wanted to tag her. I scaled the snow fence and as I placed my first foot back on the ledge a crocodile jumped out and snapped at my back releasing a low roar as it did such. I was terrified and woke up... and went back to sleep.
The person and the stairs
Some person was heading out of their gross house as I stood in the porch. Not entirely fond of this person, for some strange reason I pushed her down to the ground and slid down the stairs on her back as if she were a toboggan. I think she died.
The car that hit the ditch
Naturally I stole her car and got a bunch of tickets for speeding, hitting, and running. All the way to the highway where I hit some black ice and hit the ditch. I called roadside assistance, but that's not exactly what I got. So this big old firetruck pulls up to the shoulder and the firemen hop out... with rocket launchers?! They start blaring heavy metal music and firing rockets at the stolen car. They throw large propane tanks and nitrogen tanks into the ditch making the destruction happen like no tomorrow. Thankfully I was saved by a friend.
Jules and the Legend of Zelda
Link turns and says to me "Isn't this the coolest shit ever?". Though I'm really not sure what he's talking about, I agree. It was at this moment that Link started flipping through all the Links, old, young, Twilight, Fierce Deity, and then Jules. "I bought the TriForce, Man! It's crazy!" and he turned back into Link and killed all the firemen.
Stare at this spot if you want to wake up
Suddenly there was a spot in the top right of my dream. A voice said, stare here if you want to wake up. Stare here if you want to wake up.
v this is a dream I had that I still need to write, any guesses on what it's about? v
The Labyrinth in the basement
The Apartment complex upstairs
The Minotaur that follows
The spiraling bar and the minotaur's path
Kick the bitch
Scale the wall
Kick her again
The first room on the left and the vampire queen
The stoned vampire and the window
The cemetary
Sneaky Sneaky Jutsu
On the night of Thursday, April 15, 2010 at 11:58am, Blues had a few dreams...
This weird dream where I was in a ninja battle against some guy with a huge cast around his arm. Turns out it was part of a spell and when he completed his devil chant it turned into some hell cannon. At some point I ended up making a deal with the devil so that I could have one too. I was about to kill the other ninja guy when we both lost our powers. we had a giant brawl with our casts. At one point i hid behind a doorway for the Sneaky Sneaky Jutsu, but I used the wrong arm and couldn't lift it high enough to punch him, though he was frozen with surprise. Then we fell into a very dirty indoor pool. There was an intense struggle and people jumped in to save us. We all died.
I also had a dream that my Circa shoes unzipped from the sides and turned into boots, unzipped from the sides and turned into nike sandals, and unzipped from the sides to turn into Simpsons slippers. I also dreamed that they had an attachment for a powerful fan, and that I was wearing the first pair of flying shoes. It was super mega awesome obviously. So I flew all the way to Thunder Bay. Dan thought they were cool so I tried to lend them to him. The shoes chose me, and exploded when he tried them on. God damnit Dan.
I was trying to get my Tiburon fixed at the mechanic I bought it off of. I was walking down that abandoned highway trying to phone him, with really shitty service. I walked all the way until the highway ended when he finally picked up. He says, hello friend, ah yes, we will have your car fixed very well, in 8 days Sunday, tomorrow is Saturday yes. So Tomorrow we fix her. I went back to his shop 8 days later (or rather after my long long walk) to find my car sitting out front. The shop had become rundown, and moss grew all over the walls. The junkyard next door was a small grassy clearing with one tree. I walked towards the tree to find a man slicing a dog open sideways, growling and laughing. I turned to run to my car, where I noticed a van parked next to it with a laughing evil lady. I get to the door and fumble with the keys when the dog returns to life and starts running and howling to summon the dogs of hell. I get inside my car and try to start it when the man who was kneeling under the tree jumps on the hood of my car and starts smashing my windshield! START CAR START! GO!!!!!!
My alarm goes of at full volume *Castlevania 3 beginning theme*
When I stepped out, the car was on blocks, when I stepped out.
On the night of Friday, December 11, 2009 at 8:07am, Blues had a dream...
So I'm supposed to drive to some kids house on Spence street because he's going to buy my Xbox, and I get to drive my friend's mom's Nissan Altima to get there. Once I get there they drag me inside and try to kick the shit out of me. After being thrown into the cupboards I open them, grab some plates and start smashing plates on people's heads. This slows them down a bit and gives me time to make it over to the knife rack. I grab the youngest of the muggers (?) and hold a knife to his hand over their cutting block. "You try anything, and he loses his fingers." Naturally their first reaction is to charge me, so I lop off the top half of his hand and whip the knife into his brother's chest. 0_0 The other brother says dude we're cool just step off. So I start heading for the door when I head him running up behind me. I turn and slit his throat and go outside, only to find that my car has been disassembled and is now a wagon/scooter with a lawnmower engine. I walk across the street to this guy's yard to find a lawnmower with a Nissan engine and HUGE tires. WTF? I pull out my cellphone and apologize to my friend's mom and start walking to Wesley's house. When I get there I find out that my mom's ex boyfriend is throwing a slumber party and all of his drunk friends are there. So I go over to Kristina's house, to find out that she's going to be spending a night at the Radisson Hotel with my University Math Professor Dr.O . Uh, sure? So I hop on a double decker bus, start talking to some people, you know? Next thing I know the seats turn into really tall NBA basketball players, and we're heading for a tunnel! (In Winnipeg? I know, it gets weirder) So I'm sitting on some basketball player's shoulders, ducking out of the way of support beams and almost falling off, while he's running to the box office. Yeah, the box office. After what seemed like half an hour and a gunfight (I had to shoot out the other guy's knees), we finally arrived. Though guess what? The ticket sales booth was 12 feet off the ground, I had to buy my tickets sitting on some guy's shoulders! Tickets to what? TO THE HOTEL of course. So I head on up to the hotel to find out that my Prof. was already in bed and Kristina wasn't there. She was in the attic hiding from the zombies. Did I mention this was all going on during a zombie invasion? Yeah. Sorry. There was some kind of segway from the original story where I was shoving zombies around trying to get somewhere, busting skulls and all that, and then I get to the old house where Kristina was hiding from zombies. So I head on upstairs and Kristina is sitting next to the alarm clock. She spots me and says, you know you have to wake up at 7:30 right? And I wake up, at 7:30....
This dream cannot run on the Wii. It can't handle the graphics
On the night of Friday, December 18, 2009 at 10:05pm, Blues had a dream...
Dan says that he wants to talk about a problem he's been having. Turns out he's secretly a kleptomaniac and he stole some garbage cans from the Radisson. Not only that but he's stolen many engines and car parts in his days, and he dropped a Hemi into one of the garbages. I tell him the best strategy is to pawn the stuff he steals, and I'll give him $500 for a Trashcan car. So we make a deal, and I take KT for drive. WE PASSED WESTMINISTER! OH SHIT! So we take the big back ally (Portage) and get back onto Stafford. Suddenly the can shoots up into the sky and we're about half the height of the building. Scared, I pull the lever on the side of my chair (just like an office chair) and we zoom back to the ground.
Everyone heads over to Darcey's to celebrate. Everybody gets really messed up before we head out though. After the worlds greatest party and some Smash Bros. Brawl (Which Corey owned at) we all realize that Darcey just came to hotel room, and someone is going to have to clean up this mess.
We all peace out and go to the hotel pool to discover the most awesome thing ever. I CAN FLY. All I have to do is jump into the air and take a huge breath and hold it in. (Sound like Kirby?) So I start flying around everywhere (Though it's the cool kind of flying where I'm standing in a really awesome stance with a hand to guide where I'm going and a hand to look cool) And it turns out breathing in more makes me go higher, and letting air out makes me fall. Some people at the pool start telling me I'm awesome and ask for my phone number and telling me my sin number and my birthname. Oh yeah, and my Gamertag. Turns out it's a group of creepy old men (Who happen to be all my friends, I just took their life-force and turned it into superpowers). So I peace out.
Once I get outside, I find that Winnipeg is in shambles. It must have been Venom.
Yeah, that's what I said. So I start shooting webs at the zombies that are all over the streets (SHUT UP, zombies are cool and these were Venom zombies with symmetrical splotches of black goo on them). I check out some really rad Spiderman Murals advertising his new game that's only on PS3 and 360, but not Wii 'cause it can't handle the graphics. I take a big breath to laugh, and start gliding really quickly towards a brick building. The worlds so called tallest (in Winnipeg...) my strategy is to take a really huge inhale and go over the building, breathe out and land on the roof. Well almost all goes as planned except I pass the clouds, and lose the ability to fly. I REALIZE IT'S A DREAM at this point, and while I'm falling to my death I tell myself it's only a dream and to wake up. It's only a dream. Wake up. Wake up. WAKE UP. And I do :D
Kingdom Hearts III and the Nothingness.
On the night of Tuesday, December 22, 2009 at 12:12am Blues had a dream...
Nothingness. Floating in it. Dark and empty like space. Not warm not cold.
I'm laying down playing Kingdom Hearts III on my TV as it rests on a floating TV stand.
This game has really good graphics, everything looks really cartoony.
Suddenly the screen becomes a swirling void, a whirlpool sucking me in.
As I get pulled into the screen I feel as if I know where I'm going. This is how it's done.
Watching from above, I look down at a game of capture the flag. Naturally the players are merely dots on a simple landscape. A narrow bridge surrounded by water, a field, and second narrow bridge surrounded by lava. Both bridges were heavily guarded by many more dots.
My dot grabs the flag and evades the opposing army. Narrowly escaping his last pursuer he runs down my bridge. Upon returning the enemy flag to our checkpoint, our checkpoint turns into another whirlpool, this time red. I get pulled from the sky into the whirlpool, but I'm totally cool with falling. While I'm being sent through a tunnel of swirling rainbow light, a scene flashes in front of my eyes. A wrist. Somebody scalpels out an arrow shape from the wrist (an arrow like a Cursor, or a directional arrow. NOT the shoot you kind of arrow). The wound bleeds and the blood streaks out of the scene and into the tunnel walls as they spin.
I land.
I wake in sunset themed nothingness on a sandbar. At the center of the sandbar lay a quadripedal beast with armour similar to that of a soldier, though made of turtle shell material. Some nerds may say it looked like Ruby Weapon, this would be somewhat accurate.
Upon standing it looked like a humanoid turtle dragon. WITH ARMOUR! So I pull out my BAD ASS swords and slay this beast in a very dramatic battle that isn't worth describing over Facebook. It wouldn't do it justice. Anywho, it dies and guess what? Dan's voice echoed from the sky and said "Wow, Josh it really impresses me how you always know just where to go next." Guess what else! As most of its being was dissolved into the nothingness, its core imploded and became another whirlpool. This time it was purple. Nifty.
I wake up floating in purple nothingness, the same nothingness as the others, only this time a world is creating itself around me. A children's park undissolves itself into existence. I take creative liberty in inventing my own words*. As it is created, so is a HUGE pile of retro videogames, such as NES SNES and N64 games and many Kirby, Metroid, Mega Man etc... I start putting them in my sweater and putting them into my suitcase (?). The world continues to build itself and as the lights flicker on and off I find myself in an underground parkade outside a thrift store, next door to a childrens indoor park. I take my games and try to get to my hotel room. - (Yeah, the hotel room. You know in the Matrix how the keymaker could get anywhere through that weird white hallway? In my dream one of the doors in this hallway was my hotel room.) So I head through the nearest door into the Matrix hallway, and pick a nearby door. Wrong one.
I'm in an arena at a tae kwon do tournament and encounter all of my ex TKD buddies. They wonder where I've been. I meet I greet I want to go home. My grade 7 teacher shows up and gives me kudos on my scholarships. DAVID DECOVNEY SHOWS UP AND STEALS MY SUITCASE. WTFS?! Yeah I was just as confused, though I was also angry. That's my childhood ambition thankyouverymuchMulder. I chase him and he pushes me into a doorway... that becomes another whirlpool. This time it's Midnight Blue. Sexy!
I wake laying on a white satin (or maybe silk) sheet, floating on the surface of the water ( it was really just a clear shimmering sparkling surface in the nothingness. It was more arbitrary glitter and shimmer than water FOR THE RECORD ) in the Midnight Blue nothingness. My sheet floated along a stream of glitter, going through large hoops and under arches, passing what would be streetlights if they were beside a street or had foundation in matter. I arrive at my destination. The final whirlpool. This time it's white.
The creature of the Midnight Blue Nothingness awakens and dissolves into existence at the center of the white whirlpool as it spews bubbles (how scary), foam (party?), snowflakes (how unique), and all the white random cute shit whirlpools spew in weird dreams. It was a really dramatic awakening and it's almost anticlimactic to say right after it woke up... I did. Sorry!
I'm laying down playing Kingdom Hearts III on my TV as it rests on a floating TV stand.
This game has really good graphics, everything looks really cartoony.
Suddenly the screen becomes a swirling void, a whirlpool sucking me in.
As I get pulled into the screen I feel as if I know where I'm going. This is how it's done.
Watching from above, I look down at a game of capture the flag. Naturally the players are merely dots on a simple landscape. A narrow bridge surrounded by water, a field, and second narrow bridge surrounded by lava. Both bridges were heavily guarded by many more dots.
My dot grabs the flag and evades the opposing army. Narrowly escaping his last pursuer he runs down my bridge. Upon returning the enemy flag to our checkpoint, our checkpoint turns into another whirlpool, this time red. I get pulled from the sky into the whirlpool, but I'm totally cool with falling. While I'm being sent through a tunnel of swirling rainbow light, a scene flashes in front of my eyes. A wrist. Somebody scalpels out an arrow shape from the wrist (an arrow like a Cursor, or a directional arrow. NOT the shoot you kind of arrow). The wound bleeds and the blood streaks out of the scene and into the tunnel walls as they spin.
I land.
I wake in sunset themed nothingness on a sandbar. At the center of the sandbar lay a quadripedal beast with armour similar to that of a soldier, though made of turtle shell material. Some nerds may say it looked like Ruby Weapon, this would be somewhat accurate.
Upon standing it looked like a humanoid turtle dragon. WITH ARMOUR! So I pull out my BAD ASS swords and slay this beast in a very dramatic battle that isn't worth describing over Facebook. It wouldn't do it justice. Anywho, it dies and guess what? Dan's voice echoed from the sky and said "Wow, Josh it really impresses me how you always know just where to go next." Guess what else! As most of its being was dissolved into the nothingness, its core imploded and became another whirlpool. This time it was purple. Nifty.
I wake up floating in purple nothingness, the same nothingness as the others, only this time a world is creating itself around me. A children's park undissolves itself into existence. I take creative liberty in inventing my own words*. As it is created, so is a HUGE pile of retro videogames, such as NES SNES and N64 games and many Kirby, Metroid, Mega Man etc... I start putting them in my sweater and putting them into my suitcase (?). The world continues to build itself and as the lights flicker on and off I find myself in an underground parkade outside a thrift store, next door to a childrens indoor park. I take my games and try to get to my hotel room. - (Yeah, the hotel room. You know in the Matrix how the keymaker could get anywhere through that weird white hallway? In my dream one of the doors in this hallway was my hotel room.) So I head through the nearest door into the Matrix hallway, and pick a nearby door. Wrong one.
I'm in an arena at a tae kwon do tournament and encounter all of my ex TKD buddies. They wonder where I've been. I meet I greet I want to go home. My grade 7 teacher shows up and gives me kudos on my scholarships. DAVID DECOVNEY SHOWS UP AND STEALS MY SUITCASE. WTFS?! Yeah I was just as confused, though I was also angry. That's my childhood ambition thankyouverymuchMulder. I chase him and he pushes me into a doorway... that becomes another whirlpool. This time it's Midnight Blue. Sexy!
I wake laying on a white satin (or maybe silk) sheet, floating on the surface of the water ( it was really just a clear shimmering sparkling surface in the nothingness. It was more arbitrary glitter and shimmer than water FOR THE RECORD ) in the Midnight Blue nothingness. My sheet floated along a stream of glitter, going through large hoops and under arches, passing what would be streetlights if they were beside a street or had foundation in matter. I arrive at my destination. The final whirlpool. This time it's white.
The creature of the Midnight Blue Nothingness awakens and dissolves into existence at the center of the white whirlpool as it spews bubbles (how scary), foam (party?), snowflakes (how unique), and all the white random cute shit whirlpools spew in weird dreams. It was a really dramatic awakening and it's almost anticlimactic to say right after it woke up... I did. Sorry!
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