I was sneaking around an elementary school with my friend trying to find the bathroom.
It was a lengthy journey, filled with many jokes about the median, the mean, and the mode. What does X bar mean?! What are the odds I'll pass my statistics class?! So many of these questions remained unanswered. Then we found... the kitchen! Yes, the walls were lined with so many boxes of cookies and candies, and we ate them all with our vacuums.
We had to leave the kitchen in a hurry when the grade four Sunday School class came in. So we took the fire extinguisher off the walls and set them all ablaze and ran for the basement. It was dark, dank, and all around creepy. Those big cement-block walls with peeling yellow paint, and a spiralling metal staircase at each end of the hall. We walked about half way down the hall where we found the bathroom. I had to pee so bad... It was due to boredom. I had myself a wonderful pee while my friend and I shot the shit (verbally, neither of us needed to download a brownload). Suddenly the floor was wet. The bathroom was flooding! I tried to escape but the door was closed.
My friend had become possessed by a piss-demon, who locked the door from the outside.
We drowned.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Sunday, October 3, 2010
University and Work...
Due to being so incredibly overbooked lately I've been really under slept, and I usually only dream when I have a full night's rest. But I finally got a day to sleep in and whoa...
I go out for a night of drinking in my blue-chrome wheelchair to show off my mags. I rev the engine and pop the clutch, rocketing forward into the front of a building that looks much like a face. The interior is much similar to a bar in Downtown Winnipeg. The Zoo... Behind the counter is my supervisor (who will remain anonymous to you until further notice) and he explains that I must drink these ten body shots of gelatin cat piss laced with cyanide out of my girlfriend's unshaven elbows while juggling Walkie Talkies tuned to the frequency of my sexual-hunger in order to un-be. This got me very very drunk and before I knew it...
I was sitting in my apartment playing The Real Super Mario Bros, which if you didn't happen to know already, is the virtual reality Mario game. I was jumping around in the underground dungeon in my giant yellow boot stomping goombas into oblivion. Suddenly I fall into a pit, this is sure to be the end... The boogieman wouldn't have it that way, not in a thousand years. In the blackness I see his giant floating eyeball fade into existence. I don't know where to begin describing this eyeball but basically is was covered in a layer of purple flesh. Rather the skin was wrapped around it with a little slit in the middle, and this slit would open in a manner much similar to eyelids. And so it did.
This act revealed a blood green (yes.) iris with a very tiny hate filled pupil. A portal opened up in front of the floating eyeball and a rather large purple ghost hand came shooting out of it and stripped me of my boot. It threw my boot further into the darkness and grabbed me around the waist. I'm zipping faster than the speed of dark for years upon years that seem like seconds, only to come to a sudden stop. My room is filled with a very thick, muggy, light that slowly wafts off into the corners of the room. I feel very hollow and decide it a good idea to examine my person, only to find that I'm bleeding all over my bed from a hole in my stomach.
I call an ambulance and in an instant a bus smashes through my apartment wall (on the 5th floor of the complex). The paramedic/bus-driver opens the front doors and a team of surgeons come running out and put me on a stretcher to bring me aboard the bus. My family doctor from the town I used to live in is the Surgeon General, with an assault rifle mounted on his back. It was loaded with scalpels. He tells me I need to start eating more, that my bleeding was due to malnourishment, that my anorexia was embodied in the form of this illness.
The back door gets ripped from the bus and a giant hand reaches in and crushes the my doctor so hard he turns into a woman and gives birth. My cousin rats him out to the bus driver for giving birth in public without submitting his Public Birth Ticket, which, by the way cost 9 dollars individually or 45 dollars for 5. I crawl out of the bus and into the street to find myself surrounded by empty police cars. Huddled at the southwest corner of the intersection stands a group of humanoids in white shawls. They all turn to face me when the world goes dark once again... There's the eyeball.
I open my eyes to find myself in front of my apartment door... I fumble for my keys. I have to get in! My key doesn't work in the door. None of my keys work in the door. I try using the end of the keychain in the door only to have my keys fly in my face and gouge out my eyes. I'm blind! I'm blind!
In the crimson darkness I see the eyeball fade into existence... another just like it opens up beside it... They open in an instant in get rocketed forward into my skull. I am the boogieman's new body.
I go out for a night of drinking in my blue-chrome wheelchair to show off my mags. I rev the engine and pop the clutch, rocketing forward into the front of a building that looks much like a face. The interior is much similar to a bar in Downtown Winnipeg. The Zoo... Behind the counter is my supervisor (who will remain anonymous to you until further notice) and he explains that I must drink these ten body shots of gelatin cat piss laced with cyanide out of my girlfriend's unshaven elbows while juggling Walkie Talkies tuned to the frequency of my sexual-hunger in order to un-be. This got me very very drunk and before I knew it...
I was sitting in my apartment playing The Real Super Mario Bros, which if you didn't happen to know already, is the virtual reality Mario game. I was jumping around in the underground dungeon in my giant yellow boot stomping goombas into oblivion. Suddenly I fall into a pit, this is sure to be the end... The boogieman wouldn't have it that way, not in a thousand years. In the blackness I see his giant floating eyeball fade into existence. I don't know where to begin describing this eyeball but basically is was covered in a layer of purple flesh. Rather the skin was wrapped around it with a little slit in the middle, and this slit would open in a manner much similar to eyelids. And so it did.
This act revealed a blood green (yes.) iris with a very tiny hate filled pupil. A portal opened up in front of the floating eyeball and a rather large purple ghost hand came shooting out of it and stripped me of my boot. It threw my boot further into the darkness and grabbed me around the waist. I'm zipping faster than the speed of dark for years upon years that seem like seconds, only to come to a sudden stop. My room is filled with a very thick, muggy, light that slowly wafts off into the corners of the room. I feel very hollow and decide it a good idea to examine my person, only to find that I'm bleeding all over my bed from a hole in my stomach.
I call an ambulance and in an instant a bus smashes through my apartment wall (on the 5th floor of the complex). The paramedic/bus-driver opens the front doors and a team of surgeons come running out and put me on a stretcher to bring me aboard the bus. My family doctor from the town I used to live in is the Surgeon General, with an assault rifle mounted on his back. It was loaded with scalpels. He tells me I need to start eating more, that my bleeding was due to malnourishment, that my anorexia was embodied in the form of this illness.
The back door gets ripped from the bus and a giant hand reaches in and crushes the my doctor so hard he turns into a woman and gives birth. My cousin rats him out to the bus driver for giving birth in public without submitting his Public Birth Ticket, which, by the way cost 9 dollars individually or 45 dollars for 5. I crawl out of the bus and into the street to find myself surrounded by empty police cars. Huddled at the southwest corner of the intersection stands a group of humanoids in white shawls. They all turn to face me when the world goes dark once again... There's the eyeball.
I open my eyes to find myself in front of my apartment door... I fumble for my keys. I have to get in! My key doesn't work in the door. None of my keys work in the door. I try using the end of the keychain in the door only to have my keys fly in my face and gouge out my eyes. I'm blind! I'm blind!
In the crimson darkness I see the eyeball fade into existence... another just like it opens up beside it... They open in an instant in get rocketed forward into my skull. I am the boogieman's new body.
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