So I haven't really been dreaming over the last long while, but finally last night I had a whopper. Literally. Before bed I had a whopper (which is a burger served at a fast food restaurant called Burger King, if anyone didn't know). What I'm saying is, maybe I have to eat riiiiiiight before I go to sleep in order to dream. Actually, no. That's really unlikely.
Well, here we go.
I was at a small social gathering, the type of which is often referred to as dinner parties. I sat next to a very familiar face, that of a cousin's ex girlfriend. It was unclear as to if we were dating or not in this dream for a fair amount of time. Then it so happened that she turned to me and said to rub her back for her... For some reason I didn't do this effectively in my dream and my hand gravitated towards her bottom. Hah.
This was a well received action of course, which led into a hug, which led towards couch cuddling. But alas, I needed to use the washroom. Walking around this foreign house trying to spy the washroom I witness one of my best friends having sex with my mother's friend's daughter in the shower. Whoa! Whoa! Wesley what are you doing? Why did I just ask that, I know what you're doing! He turns to her, says he's done, and get up and leaves... her for me. I turn to her and say "I'm not" followed by a wink as I walk towards her. Suddenly we're in the bathtub together... Suddenly the door flies open and everyone sees us. I must say, this was not well received.
The only option was to go to the amusement park. I call up my friend Dan and ask him for some advice and he says "Whenever shit like that happens to me I just take bongrips". Well it may or may not have been made clear in the past, but I'm not really one for bongrips. Not my cup of tea, or I suppose, not my cup of bongwater. Regardless, while I was enjoying moral high-ground he sends me a bong through the Samsung Galaxy S. What can't these phones do?
I had to find somewhere to hide this, I don't want to get caught with drug paraphernalia in an amusement park for children! Lets hide this in the salt shaker!
This is when my grandparents show up and try to sprinkle some salt on their food.
I run over to them, "Oh hey, you found Dan's portable sprinkler with a built in ignition system, what can't these phones do?"
So I grab it and run off into one of the playhouses, which turned out to be a "playhouse". A whole bunch of ladies I've never seen before were having an orgy, and I've gotta say, in my dream it looked like a bunch jaguars and other dangerous cats fighting over the same rabbit. I think these ladies may have been fetishists because they were doing an awful lot of biting and scratching, and even more moaning and screaming. I tried to sneak past them into the kitchen but ended up getting spotted.
They weren't angry, they just changed their screams into loud, high pitched, coherent sentences and requests. Harder! Faster! Not me, go easy on me! Take me! To which I replied various wink-statements such as: I'm already harder for you ;) I can be easy for you ;) I'll take you, with a side of her ;) For some reason they all seemed much more clever in my dream... Mind you I never actually speak like that.
So we'll pretend that I typed out that entire scene for you but the paragraph got deleted, aww shucks. So I'm walking into the basement, getting ready for bed when the lighting shifts to an off blue... Smoke billows out from the bases of the walls... The corners of the room grow very dark and not soon after the far wall fades and it looks as if I'm standing on an abandoned road. A silhouette forms at the end of the road, walking towards me... It starts moving very quickly... Briskly paced... Faster and faster in a repetitive and redundant fashion. A hand falls on my shoulder from behind me.
"So you're dating my daughter?" Says my boss. Oh yeah, maybe I am, I totally forgot about that. "Hey... Can I have some cott's orange soda?" - "Yeah it's just behind the canned green beans". He walked over to his vending machine and grabbed a pizza and went upstairs. So I walked back out into the living room, where the lighting had returned to normal. I pulled up a lawn-chair next to Wesley's and turned on the TV to start watching some Charlie Sheen. I turn to Wesley and say "I had a cruhayzee day..!" Wesley turned to me and said... nothing. Wesley had a clown face.
