But on the other hand I did happen to write down what happened in my dream on the night of Monday, July19th...
I found myself in a marvelous castle with beautiful architecture. The castle was mine to defend, I was part of a select group of elite medieval militia. Our group was formed of only men as the proprietor of the castle was very masculinist, oh yes. If there are feminists, my dream can totally have masculinists. Regardless, to the owner of this castle women were worthless. They weren't just objects... they were floorboards. The halls of this castle were lined with two rows of girls, one row facing one way, the other facing the other. Obviously, the way they faced affected the way traffic was to flow.
There was this one girl in the floorboards I found particularly beautiful and every time I walked over her I would drop to the floor, kiss her forehead, and tell her I was going to save her from this place. I told her just how beautiful she was, that she deserved a better life, that she wasn't like all the rest of the floorboards, she could have a future if only she got out of here. Naturally, she thought I was incredibly creepy. Little did she realize she had magical properties.
The siren goes off! It's time for battle! Our army heads out to the courtyard, where a group of horsemen, demons, minotaurs, and goblins await with a large wall. Their plan was to crush us alive in between this wall and the walls of the castle. Our archers fired many arrows that formed a line across the center of the courtyard. Our jousters launched their spears along this line. Every man with a sword ran forward and held the line. The enemy pushed their wall forward and when it hit our arrows, spears, and swords time froze. Yes, time froze and someone rolled a giant twenty sided die. The enemy rolled a 1, and our army rolled a 20. Time started up again and the enemy was launched into the air! Within moments every airborne creature was skewered.
In celebration the King gave me VIP tickets to the Three Days Grace concert and I was oh so excited! I knew exactly who I was going to take with me. Floorboard girl. In a few dream hours, which in reality are only seconds, we find ourselves there. But what's this? The lead sings has been doing far too many drugs and burned his lips. They tried to fix them with plastic surgery and failed horribly. He had a horrible dead-green complexion, all of his pores had become stretched, his lips sagged and flapped with every movement of his jaw. Honestly, this was probably the worst VIP concert in the world. We were sitting on wooden bleaches, the stage was merely a camping table/bench, and nobody was playing an instrument.
Floorboard girl and I decided it would be best to leave this place, so we went over to my friend's apartment. The three of us sat on the couch watching The Little Mermaid, when all of a sudden the girl made a proclamation. "Whoever sports my magical fedora will have any and every wish of theirs granted." My friend, being completely content with his life, passed me the hat. He smiled at me and left the room.
*Wish* *Wish* Wish*
Much later on in the dream my friend's sister stole the fedora and used the material to make a magic wand. When I found out I tried to no avail to get this wand back. She would run around the house wishing obstacles into my path and wishing me further and further away until finally, finally I grabbed the wand... We ended up snapping it in two and she died somehow and I became my friend's new little sister. Curses.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
On the night of Tuesday, July 20th, Blues drank before bed...
A young man was lying on his deathbed... his dying wish? To see what Final Fantasy VII Crisis Core looks like on the PSP. I figured I could grant him at least that much. So I start playing, but damn, I got hooked on that stuff faster than an ex-tweaker would get hooked on meth again. During the third boss fight I ran over to the edge of couch to show him the gameplay, but I killed the boss before he looked at the screen.
A loud siren goes off. Oh shit! It's 15:45 and I'm supposed to be at... Aaron's Tae Kwon Do class? I head outside and pause. It looks like a very serious storm is a brewing. I run over to the town gym and I realize my friend Steve and a bunch of other folk from my town are running for the hills. As Steve passes me he tells me that I probably want to get the hell out of town if I know what's good for me. Curious...
When I get to the gym the front doors are wide open and the lights are flickering on and off. Everything is an eerie magical shade of dark grey-blue that you only ever see before a storm. I run through the gym from front to back and as I push open the back doors I see the Tae Kwon Do class lined up behind Aaron. He turns and says, ladies and gentlemen we've got three guns and as you all know Josh gets seniority. He pushes an SMG into my hands. He doesn't have to tell me why I need it.
When I look away from the guns I find myself looking down the barrel of a tank. On both sides of this tank there are some strictly suppress-fire tanks, and beside them are the two targeting tanks for the center tank (it can only fire once the other tanks have locked on to a target). Behind all of the tanks are two lines of men with guns.
The commander of the center tank tells his men not to fire until fired upon, because the target may still come peacefully. "I'M A COWARD!" I shout, tossing my gun into the air. Sadly I must have pulled the trigger as I let go and stray fire hits some of the army. "OPEN FIRE" shouts their commander. Before I get any further, Aaron dashes in front of me and pushes the gun back in my hands. "I don't train cowards. Turn around."
The gunfight really doesn't last as long as it should, seemingly nobody brought that much ammunition? No, no, nevermind. It's because we were to have an intense ninja brawl. They all move forward doing patterns, prepared to destroy. I suddenly get a burst of courage and sprint forward, as one of them is throwing a kick I crouch to the right to dodge, and side kick them in the stomach. I roll to the side quickly and dodge the axe-kick I wasn't supposed to know about. Back kick to that guy's stomach, grab his ears and flip him over me into two other guys. Before they can even fall down I've already jumped into the air and kicked them both in the face at the same time. As their backs hit the ground I'm standing on their faces. I turn to look at my next victim when I realize everyone here is one of my friends, zombified? Hypnotized? Something-ed.
For a brief moment, I get the sense that somewhere not too far from here and evil plant woman is laughing. During this moment I'm hit. Many bullets hit me. Their machine guns weren't made for piercing flesh, just stunning. I turn to run for cover and hey, there's a school bus behind me and a chalkboard to the right. I turn around again and realize my tae kwon do group and I are behind a couch. Aaron tells us we've got the advantage now and if we play our cards right we can win this. Everyone without a gun is bait and I'm to take out the targeting tanks using our special machine-gun.
This machine-gun is no normal gun, you have to point it at the same target for 5 seconds while it locks on. There's a loading bar on the laser sight that starts flashing when it's ready to fire. This makes the tank fight THAT much more dramatic and drawn out. I peer around the corner and take aim for the left one first. We both tag each other at the same time. The left tank is done for and the center tank takes out a tae kwon do student. I go to the other edge of the couch and take a gander with my gun-der around the corner. Take aim. Same as last time. Looks like the center tank is blind-firing.
I crawl under the couch and take aim... We fire. I miss and everyone undercover is blown into the air. I land behind a chunk of the school bus. Oh no! My girl! My girl's been hit! She says, "Take my gun... It's your only hope now. Take my wallet with my life's savings and live well after your victory... And know... That I've always loved you." She dies in my arms. This was a very dramatic, tear jerking moment, even after taking into consideration that she had no character introduction.
The commander of the tank pops open the hatch and stands up. This is too easy, I'm going to take you out with my handgun, for SnG's. I stand up and reveal my position. Dramatic dialogue dramatic dialogue dramatic dialogue. He decides I'm not worth his bullets anymore because he doesn't want any drama on his shells. His remaining machine-gunners machine-gun me down.
You can't kill me, Commander Reicherson. You have far too much hate, and nobody with pure evil in their heart can kill me.
"WORDS OF SHOCK!" and I pierce his heart in one swift pull of a trigger.
Far off in the distance a man in a white tuxedo sips his red wine. "Good show, good show, our time has come so it seems, yes." The camera leaves my body and I get to watch this great cinematic. I hold out Girl's handgun, close one eye, and tilt my head to the right. Pull the trigger.
Bullet's eye view from the camera as it soars across fields, hills, through a forest, gets struck by lightning, shatters the wine glass and hits the man in the white tuxedo right between the eyes. He falls to the ground staring blankly at the sky. The camera zooms out and it would appear he was having a one man dinner party in a forest clearing. There were elegant tables with foods and fine wines, with lights hanging from the vines. The voice of the forest cackles, the battle's just begun.
I woke up at this point. Took a shower. Went back to bed. I'll post part two after I get off work tonight :)
A loud siren goes off. Oh shit! It's 15:45 and I'm supposed to be at... Aaron's Tae Kwon Do class? I head outside and pause. It looks like a very serious storm is a brewing. I run over to the town gym and I realize my friend Steve and a bunch of other folk from my town are running for the hills. As Steve passes me he tells me that I probably want to get the hell out of town if I know what's good for me. Curious...
When I get to the gym the front doors are wide open and the lights are flickering on and off. Everything is an eerie magical shade of dark grey-blue that you only ever see before a storm. I run through the gym from front to back and as I push open the back doors I see the Tae Kwon Do class lined up behind Aaron. He turns and says, ladies and gentlemen we've got three guns and as you all know Josh gets seniority. He pushes an SMG into my hands. He doesn't have to tell me why I need it.
When I look away from the guns I find myself looking down the barrel of a tank. On both sides of this tank there are some strictly suppress-fire tanks, and beside them are the two targeting tanks for the center tank (it can only fire once the other tanks have locked on to a target). Behind all of the tanks are two lines of men with guns.
The commander of the center tank tells his men not to fire until fired upon, because the target may still come peacefully. "I'M A COWARD!" I shout, tossing my gun into the air. Sadly I must have pulled the trigger as I let go and stray fire hits some of the army. "OPEN FIRE" shouts their commander. Before I get any further, Aaron dashes in front of me and pushes the gun back in my hands. "I don't train cowards. Turn around."
The gunfight really doesn't last as long as it should, seemingly nobody brought that much ammunition? No, no, nevermind. It's because we were to have an intense ninja brawl. They all move forward doing patterns, prepared to destroy. I suddenly get a burst of courage and sprint forward, as one of them is throwing a kick I crouch to the right to dodge, and side kick them in the stomach. I roll to the side quickly and dodge the axe-kick I wasn't supposed to know about. Back kick to that guy's stomach, grab his ears and flip him over me into two other guys. Before they can even fall down I've already jumped into the air and kicked them both in the face at the same time. As their backs hit the ground I'm standing on their faces. I turn to look at my next victim when I realize everyone here is one of my friends, zombified? Hypnotized? Something-ed.
For a brief moment, I get the sense that somewhere not too far from here and evil plant woman is laughing. During this moment I'm hit. Many bullets hit me. Their machine guns weren't made for piercing flesh, just stunning. I turn to run for cover and hey, there's a school bus behind me and a chalkboard to the right. I turn around again and realize my tae kwon do group and I are behind a couch. Aaron tells us we've got the advantage now and if we play our cards right we can win this. Everyone without a gun is bait and I'm to take out the targeting tanks using our special machine-gun.
This machine-gun is no normal gun, you have to point it at the same target for 5 seconds while it locks on. There's a loading bar on the laser sight that starts flashing when it's ready to fire. This makes the tank fight THAT much more dramatic and drawn out. I peer around the corner and take aim for the left one first. We both tag each other at the same time. The left tank is done for and the center tank takes out a tae kwon do student. I go to the other edge of the couch and take a gander with my gun-der around the corner. Take aim. Same as last time. Looks like the center tank is blind-firing.
I crawl under the couch and take aim... We fire. I miss and everyone undercover is blown into the air. I land behind a chunk of the school bus. Oh no! My girl! My girl's been hit! She says, "Take my gun... It's your only hope now. Take my wallet with my life's savings and live well after your victory... And know... That I've always loved you." She dies in my arms. This was a very dramatic, tear jerking moment, even after taking into consideration that she had no character introduction.
The commander of the tank pops open the hatch and stands up. This is too easy, I'm going to take you out with my handgun, for SnG's. I stand up and reveal my position. Dramatic dialogue dramatic dialogue dramatic dialogue. He decides I'm not worth his bullets anymore because he doesn't want any drama on his shells. His remaining machine-gunners machine-gun me down.
You can't kill me, Commander Reicherson. You have far too much hate, and nobody with pure evil in their heart can kill me.
"WORDS OF SHOCK!" and I pierce his heart in one swift pull of a trigger.
Far off in the distance a man in a white tuxedo sips his red wine. "Good show, good show, our time has come so it seems, yes." The camera leaves my body and I get to watch this great cinematic. I hold out Girl's handgun, close one eye, and tilt my head to the right. Pull the trigger.
Bullet's eye view from the camera as it soars across fields, hills, through a forest, gets struck by lightning, shatters the wine glass and hits the man in the white tuxedo right between the eyes. He falls to the ground staring blankly at the sky. The camera zooms out and it would appear he was having a one man dinner party in a forest clearing. There were elegant tables with foods and fine wines, with lights hanging from the vines. The voice of the forest cackles, the battle's just begun.
I woke up at this point. Took a shower. Went back to bed. I'll post part two after I get off work tonight :)
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Alucard. You wish you could be that anti-hero.
On the afternoon of July 17th, Blues got to bed WAY too late after a night of working on his Aikon costume...
Anybody ever buy a flowbee? The magical hair cutting tool that's got a little grate with a fan behind it. This fan is powered by a vacuum. Now, in the future they have flowbees that run on superpowered TriLithium Chloride... Apparently. This flowbees never need to be plugged into a wall and believe it or not they have remote controls! These flowbees and float freely through the skys cutting the hair of whoever you please!
This was the infomercial that kicked off my dreams.
Whoever you please? Hmm... I thought for about half a moment and came to this conclusion. I wanna shave my pussy. *Whistles* "SUE! SUE GET OVER HERE!"
As my cat runs into the room I send the flowbee spiraling across the room and onto her back. The first fan (closest to the grate) gets caught in her fur and the second fan kicks into overdrive. What I have now is a flying cat! I pick Sue up a few feet off the ground, when the flowbee gives way and she drops. Down descends my flowbee, up goes the cat. Wash, rinse, repeat.
After a very enjoyable time I wonder what it would be like if I did this to myself, I mean, it's likely that since I'm a human it'll do a fine job of cutting my hair and that will be that. But I've never been a believer in what's LIKELY to happen. No, no, this flowbee can pick me up I'm sure.
Well... It can't. I get the worlds worst haircut. I drop to my knees and pull out my razor. "Jesus, why have you done this to me? Why must you take all that is beautiful from my life?" These are the words I repeat over and over. I started off weeping and worked my way to screaming them. Contrary to what I've lead you to believe, screaming these words was far from passionate. This is because at the same time I was using my razor to cut a cross into my face. A thick cross that I would be able to peel off.
The bottom thick yet the edges bend inwards towards my nose, bending outwards again under my eyes. Stop. Up to my brow. Stop. Curve back down over the top of my eyes and back to the bridge of my nose. Stop. Up to my hairline and curve inward to meet again.
I tear off this cross quickly like a bandaid, and like anyone does with a normal bandaid I check if it's still sticky. I slap it around my wrist and it fits like a new bracelet. Now it's time to show off my new costume to the folks at Aikon. I drive downtown and attempt to exit my vehicle. Oh... Am I being mugged? They fire countless rounds into my body. Oddly enough, with every bullet that pierces my body my grin becomes a little larger. Becoming a smile. Becoming madness. I laugh. I laugh hysterically as my body gets blown apart. With my swiss cheese arms I pull out my revolvers... And blow away some f**king faces. Black holes remain (?) where these faces used to be and they start sucking up my worlds. Everything spins. Spiraling into these holes, the world distorts, stretches, and pours like a rooftop-painting being rained on would distort before gushing through the holes of an old roof. The world makes sense to only disturbed minds and schizophrenics, much like my last analogy.
I awake, it's just a dream. I've fallen asleep in the backseat of a friend's car.
"We're almost there."
We pull into the driveway. Exit the vehicle. Walk into the back yard and sit down at the table. This bbq is going to be excellent!
"Hey Josh, how do you like your gangsters?"
"Rare."
Anybody ever buy a flowbee? The magical hair cutting tool that's got a little grate with a fan behind it. This fan is powered by a vacuum. Now, in the future they have flowbees that run on superpowered TriLithium Chloride... Apparently. This flowbees never need to be plugged into a wall and believe it or not they have remote controls! These flowbees and float freely through the skys cutting the hair of whoever you please!
This was the infomercial that kicked off my dreams.
Whoever you please? Hmm... I thought for about half a moment and came to this conclusion. I wanna shave my pussy. *Whistles* "SUE! SUE GET OVER HERE!"
As my cat runs into the room I send the flowbee spiraling across the room and onto her back. The first fan (closest to the grate) gets caught in her fur and the second fan kicks into overdrive. What I have now is a flying cat! I pick Sue up a few feet off the ground, when the flowbee gives way and she drops. Down descends my flowbee, up goes the cat. Wash, rinse, repeat.
After a very enjoyable time I wonder what it would be like if I did this to myself, I mean, it's likely that since I'm a human it'll do a fine job of cutting my hair and that will be that. But I've never been a believer in what's LIKELY to happen. No, no, this flowbee can pick me up I'm sure.
Well... It can't. I get the worlds worst haircut. I drop to my knees and pull out my razor. "Jesus, why have you done this to me? Why must you take all that is beautiful from my life?" These are the words I repeat over and over. I started off weeping and worked my way to screaming them. Contrary to what I've lead you to believe, screaming these words was far from passionate. This is because at the same time I was using my razor to cut a cross into my face. A thick cross that I would be able to peel off.
The bottom thick yet the edges bend inwards towards my nose, bending outwards again under my eyes. Stop. Up to my brow. Stop. Curve back down over the top of my eyes and back to the bridge of my nose. Stop. Up to my hairline and curve inward to meet again.
I tear off this cross quickly like a bandaid, and like anyone does with a normal bandaid I check if it's still sticky. I slap it around my wrist and it fits like a new bracelet. Now it's time to show off my new costume to the folks at Aikon. I drive downtown and attempt to exit my vehicle. Oh... Am I being mugged? They fire countless rounds into my body. Oddly enough, with every bullet that pierces my body my grin becomes a little larger. Becoming a smile. Becoming madness. I laugh. I laugh hysterically as my body gets blown apart. With my swiss cheese arms I pull out my revolvers... And blow away some f**king faces. Black holes remain (?) where these faces used to be and they start sucking up my worlds. Everything spins. Spiraling into these holes, the world distorts, stretches, and pours like a rooftop-painting being rained on would distort before gushing through the holes of an old roof. The world makes sense to only disturbed minds and schizophrenics, much like my last analogy.
I awake, it's just a dream. I've fallen asleep in the backseat of a friend's car.
"We're almost there."
We pull into the driveway. Exit the vehicle. Walk into the back yard and sit down at the table. This bbq is going to be excellent!
"Hey Josh, how do you like your gangsters?"
"Rare."
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Josh Versus the Juggernaut
What can I say that the video hasn't already covered?.. How about... Watch it.
Josh Versus the Assassin
Whoa, this guy does videos? Keep in mind this was almost three years ago...
My first official post.
Boys and girls let me admit something to you. All earlier posts were victims of CopyPasta from my Facebook Notes, but fear not! Many of the newer posts will be logged the second I wake up, with the exception of when I find old text files on my harddrive.
This last weekend I've had some awfully strange dreams, the details of which by now have begun to blur together. I've decided to type them out to the best of my memory in one post for ease of reading and because I really can't break them up any more than this.
*Ahem*
A weekend about watered down cars, a lesson.
I'm sitting in the front seat of my Tiburon, buckled in. Outside my car is torrential rain.
IN said rain are my friends, enjoying a round of paintball. Sure I'd love to go and play with them but unfortunately my seatbelt release is broken and I'm stuck fast in my car. There are bigger problems to worry about though, such as the fact that water is pouring into my car from every edge of every window. Naturally I've got a tube of caulk with me, so I start trying to seal the windshield... To no avail. In fact, I just make things incredibly worse. Every time I push the nozzle of my caulk against the windshield the seal becomes weaker and more water splashes in.
My car quickly fills and I begin to drown, but my friends don't seem to care. No, they're all preoccupied with their fancy little guns and brightly coloured balls. MAY I MENTION that, somehow, every stray paintball shot hits my car leaving a huge splatter and dent. Disappointed, dejected, and drowned, I die.
I wake up on my auntie's couch. Everything seems alright. Better than alright! My car is out front in the sun with no damage. AND. I'm happily back together with my ex girlfriend. Things are going swimmingly. I dwell on that word. Swimmingly. Rain clouds gather outside. A thunderstorm begins. The girl and I run out to my car, as she grabs the passenger door handle the car is struck by lightning. She has a stroke and half of her face becomes paralyzed. My car starts to fill with water again. Why is everything dripping? Dripping?.. Dripping... My girlfriend's face is melting. The color bleeds off her face and onto the ground. Her clay face becomes dis-shapened and I suddenly have the right to make up words. Her eyes melt and globs of white streak down her tar like being. She becomes a puddle of muck as I stand in the rain watching my life melt away.
*Pause.* I must apologize. One year without an English class and my punctuation goes to shit. Eww.
When I awake I'm walking down a dark street with a friend. Drunk. I see a nearby car and think it funny to pour some vodka on the hood in the form of a smiley face. My friend finds it even funnier to set said smiley ablaze. Knowing alcohol, cars, and fire, the situation becomes heated. For a second the smile lights up, cute and flaming. Then it winks at me.
The car bursts into flames.
My friend begins to laugh and throws his bottle of vodka on the roof of the car, not noticing the little girl walking down the sidewalk next time the vehicle. As the bottle smashes, the girl is pelted with shrapnel and becomes soaked in highly flammable hundred-and-something-proof vodka. Knowing fumes... the girl is set ablaze as well. My friend laughs as she runs into the street screaming. She collapses to the asphalt, writhing in agony, moaning. She quickly becomes little more than a charred corpse. As I watch in horror, her eyeballs melt and pour down her cheeks.
I run. I run so fucking far away. Back across the street to my hole in the wall apartment. Literally. Like, Hulk smashed this wall and the big opening in the bricks is my doorway... on the third floor. How about that, eh? I climb up the rope ladder and into my living room. As I turn to look back at the crime scene I hear sirens. Thank Jesus, an ambulance pulls up next to the charcoal, I mean, girl. As they hop out of the back with the stretcher, the nearby flaming car explodes. Within milliseconds the ambulance explodes, killing the rescue crew. I fall to my knees and begin to cry.
After an hour I decide to visit my friend in the complex and I step out into the hall. A group of science fiction cosplayers are throwing a hall-party, just my luck. I get crowd surfed all the way to my friend's apartment and on my way in two cat-girls give me their phone numbers. I'll call them from jail. My friend is watching farmer vision on his retro television, bunny-ears and all. After filling him in on the situation I ask if I can stay the night on his couch. He agrees on the condition that I don't keep him up any longer. He has to tend to the golf course in the morning.
I wake up. Lift my head. I'm at the office. The seniors walk past me shaking their heads. I need to wake up... So I walk to the other end of the office and enter the Wal-Mart section. Frozen goods, children's toys, produce... Drinks! Cola, cola, tonic, sprite, Energy drinks. Sweet sweet lifeblood. I have about four RedRains and head back to my desk, just in time to answer a call from my mother. Odd. She's calling from 1-800-Got-Blud...
"Hello?"
"I don't like living without a heart" she says to me.
I have an image of my mother covered in blood in a bathtub of ice.
"What?"
"Remember when my ex boyfriend kidnapped me yesterday, in the truck?" she adds.
I have a flashback. He's got her over his shoulder as he runs out of the house. Throws her in the trunk, hops in the truck, and drives away. His head spins around like in the exorcist and he laughs like a maniac.
"I don't like living without a heart..." are her dying words.
I fall to the floor for the second time this dream session, but this time, only to die.
I don't like living without a heart.
This last weekend I've had some awfully strange dreams, the details of which by now have begun to blur together. I've decided to type them out to the best of my memory in one post for ease of reading and because I really can't break them up any more than this.
*Ahem*
A weekend about watered down cars, a lesson.
I'm sitting in the front seat of my Tiburon, buckled in. Outside my car is torrential rain.
IN said rain are my friends, enjoying a round of paintball. Sure I'd love to go and play with them but unfortunately my seatbelt release is broken and I'm stuck fast in my car. There are bigger problems to worry about though, such as the fact that water is pouring into my car from every edge of every window. Naturally I've got a tube of caulk with me, so I start trying to seal the windshield... To no avail. In fact, I just make things incredibly worse. Every time I push the nozzle of my caulk against the windshield the seal becomes weaker and more water splashes in.
My car quickly fills and I begin to drown, but my friends don't seem to care. No, they're all preoccupied with their fancy little guns and brightly coloured balls. MAY I MENTION that, somehow, every stray paintball shot hits my car leaving a huge splatter and dent. Disappointed, dejected, and drowned, I die.
I wake up on my auntie's couch. Everything seems alright. Better than alright! My car is out front in the sun with no damage. AND. I'm happily back together with my ex girlfriend. Things are going swimmingly. I dwell on that word. Swimmingly. Rain clouds gather outside. A thunderstorm begins. The girl and I run out to my car, as she grabs the passenger door handle the car is struck by lightning. She has a stroke and half of her face becomes paralyzed. My car starts to fill with water again. Why is everything dripping? Dripping?.. Dripping... My girlfriend's face is melting. The color bleeds off her face and onto the ground. Her clay face becomes dis-shapened and I suddenly have the right to make up words. Her eyes melt and globs of white streak down her tar like being. She becomes a puddle of muck as I stand in the rain watching my life melt away.
*Pause.* I must apologize. One year without an English class and my punctuation goes to shit. Eww.
When I awake I'm walking down a dark street with a friend. Drunk. I see a nearby car and think it funny to pour some vodka on the hood in the form of a smiley face. My friend finds it even funnier to set said smiley ablaze. Knowing alcohol, cars, and fire, the situation becomes heated. For a second the smile lights up, cute and flaming. Then it winks at me.
The car bursts into flames.
My friend begins to laugh and throws his bottle of vodka on the roof of the car, not noticing the little girl walking down the sidewalk next time the vehicle. As the bottle smashes, the girl is pelted with shrapnel and becomes soaked in highly flammable hundred-and-something-proof vodka. Knowing fumes... the girl is set ablaze as well. My friend laughs as she runs into the street screaming. She collapses to the asphalt, writhing in agony, moaning. She quickly becomes little more than a charred corpse. As I watch in horror, her eyeballs melt and pour down her cheeks.
I run. I run so fucking far away. Back across the street to my hole in the wall apartment. Literally. Like, Hulk smashed this wall and the big opening in the bricks is my doorway... on the third floor. How about that, eh? I climb up the rope ladder and into my living room. As I turn to look back at the crime scene I hear sirens. Thank Jesus, an ambulance pulls up next to the charcoal, I mean, girl. As they hop out of the back with the stretcher, the nearby flaming car explodes. Within milliseconds the ambulance explodes, killing the rescue crew. I fall to my knees and begin to cry.
After an hour I decide to visit my friend in the complex and I step out into the hall. A group of science fiction cosplayers are throwing a hall-party, just my luck. I get crowd surfed all the way to my friend's apartment and on my way in two cat-girls give me their phone numbers. I'll call them from jail. My friend is watching farmer vision on his retro television, bunny-ears and all. After filling him in on the situation I ask if I can stay the night on his couch. He agrees on the condition that I don't keep him up any longer. He has to tend to the golf course in the morning.
I wake up. Lift my head. I'm at the office. The seniors walk past me shaking their heads. I need to wake up... So I walk to the other end of the office and enter the Wal-Mart section. Frozen goods, children's toys, produce... Drinks! Cola, cola, tonic, sprite, Energy drinks. Sweet sweet lifeblood. I have about four RedRains and head back to my desk, just in time to answer a call from my mother. Odd. She's calling from 1-800-Got-Blud...
"Hello?"
"I don't like living without a heart" she says to me.
I have an image of my mother covered in blood in a bathtub of ice.
"What?"
"Remember when my ex boyfriend kidnapped me yesterday, in the truck?" she adds.
I have a flashback. He's got her over his shoulder as he runs out of the house. Throws her in the trunk, hops in the truck, and drives away. His head spins around like in the exorcist and he laughs like a maniac.
"I don't like living without a heart..." are her dying words.
I fall to the floor for the second time this dream session, but this time, only to die.
I don't like living without a heart.
I had a waking dream. Please tell me ghosts aren't real.
Let the record state that every time I sleep at Kristina's, once I'm the only one in the house I have horrible nightmares...
On the morning of Thursday, January 7, 2010 at 7:19am, Blues had a waking dream...
At the family reunion my cousin Wyatt asks me to fill the pool, so I pull on the lever and it opens the garage!
My aunty gets mad at me about this and kicks everyone out of the house. Max and I go to ask my Uncle how to fill the pool when he keels over and dies! I catch him half way and let him down to the ground easy. As I start to mourn he sits up a bit and looks at me, lets out a smile and says "You'd be good with dead people!" But before I can celebrate his lack of being dead, a group of farmers shows up and guns down my family. "Sorry," they say "We thought you were elk."
As I run off into the woods crying, I come across the bonfire. All my friends are getting drunk, and partying it up in the camper and on the trampoline. But oh no! The fire is dying! Where is all the firewood? About 10km away down the gravel road. Lets take my mom's car and see what we can do.
Drunk driving down a gravel road for firewood? I think so, being the life-concious passenger I am. Wesley almost immediately crashes the car in a ditch where it turns upside down in a snowbank. I think at this point the farmers came back and killed everyone here too. "Sorry," they say "We thought you were elk."
I wake up. Like I'm actually awake at this point. THOUGH. Somehow, even though I'm awake, I can't move my body. At all. I suddenly realize that I'm all too familiar with how this usually plays out... Face down in the pillow, I open my eyes and see the room as if I were face up. I'm awake, aware that I'm laying face down on the pillow, why am I dreaming and unable to move? Why can I see the room? These questions won't matter for long.
I hear the footsteps in the hallway. I hear the knives scraping against each other. The door opens and in walks the somewhat familiar figure, though this time it's more burglar-esque. Before I can remember to not look it in the eyes, it raises it's head and I look into those dark abysses. They fill with noticible rage and the figure goes rabid. Erratically sprints over to the bed and starts going savage. Slashes my clothes with its messed up talon fingers. Stabs me with knives. Pummels me. Then something I wasn't expecting happens. It picks me up and throws me about the room, smashing me into walls, pushing me to the ground and stomping me. As I'm getting killed by this nut, I lay in bed unable to move trying to wake up my body. Screaming quietly. I want the world to hear me. I want someone to wake me up.
All I have is my own voice. And before the strange humanoid mugger creature can slash my throat...
My voice reaches my ears and I violently wake up my body. Thrashing and screaming. I hate when this happens...
On the morning of Thursday, January 7, 2010 at 7:19am, Blues had a waking dream...
At the family reunion my cousin Wyatt asks me to fill the pool, so I pull on the lever and it opens the garage!
My aunty gets mad at me about this and kicks everyone out of the house. Max and I go to ask my Uncle how to fill the pool when he keels over and dies! I catch him half way and let him down to the ground easy. As I start to mourn he sits up a bit and looks at me, lets out a smile and says "You'd be good with dead people!" But before I can celebrate his lack of being dead, a group of farmers shows up and guns down my family. "Sorry," they say "We thought you were elk."
As I run off into the woods crying, I come across the bonfire. All my friends are getting drunk, and partying it up in the camper and on the trampoline. But oh no! The fire is dying! Where is all the firewood? About 10km away down the gravel road. Lets take my mom's car and see what we can do.
Drunk driving down a gravel road for firewood? I think so, being the life-concious passenger I am. Wesley almost immediately crashes the car in a ditch where it turns upside down in a snowbank. I think at this point the farmers came back and killed everyone here too. "Sorry," they say "We thought you were elk."
I wake up. Like I'm actually awake at this point. THOUGH. Somehow, even though I'm awake, I can't move my body. At all. I suddenly realize that I'm all too familiar with how this usually plays out... Face down in the pillow, I open my eyes and see the room as if I were face up. I'm awake, aware that I'm laying face down on the pillow, why am I dreaming and unable to move? Why can I see the room? These questions won't matter for long.
I hear the footsteps in the hallway. I hear the knives scraping against each other. The door opens and in walks the somewhat familiar figure, though this time it's more burglar-esque. Before I can remember to not look it in the eyes, it raises it's head and I look into those dark abysses. They fill with noticible rage and the figure goes rabid. Erratically sprints over to the bed and starts going savage. Slashes my clothes with its messed up talon fingers. Stabs me with knives. Pummels me. Then something I wasn't expecting happens. It picks me up and throws me about the room, smashing me into walls, pushing me to the ground and stomping me. As I'm getting killed by this nut, I lay in bed unable to move trying to wake up my body. Screaming quietly. I want the world to hear me. I want someone to wake me up.
All I have is my own voice. And before the strange humanoid mugger creature can slash my throat...
My voice reaches my ears and I violently wake up my body. Thrashing and screaming. I hate when this happens...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)