My first official post.

Boys and girls let me admit something to you. All earlier posts were victims of CopyPasta from my Facebook Notes, but fear not! Many of the newer posts will be logged the second I wake up, with the exception of when I find old text files on my harddrive.

This last weekend I've had some awfully strange dreams, the details of which by now have begun to blur together. I've decided to type them out to the best of my memory in one post for ease of reading and because I really can't break them up any more than this.

*Ahem*

A weekend about watered down cars, a lesson.

I'm sitting in the front seat of my Tiburon, buckled in. Outside my car is torrential rain.
IN said rain are my friends, enjoying a round of paintball. Sure I'd love to go and play with them but unfortunately my seatbelt release is broken and I'm stuck fast in my car. There are bigger problems to worry about though, such as the fact that water is pouring into my car from every edge of every window. Naturally I've got a tube of caulk with me, so I start trying to seal the windshield... To no avail. In fact, I just make things incredibly worse. Every time I push the nozzle of my caulk against the windshield the seal becomes weaker and more water splashes in.

My car quickly fills and I begin to drown, but my friends don't seem to care. No, they're all preoccupied with their fancy little guns and brightly coloured balls. MAY I MENTION that, somehow, every stray paintball shot hits my car leaving a huge splatter and dent. Disappointed, dejected, and drowned, I die.

I wake up on my auntie's couch. Everything seems alright. Better than alright! My car is out front in the sun with no damage. AND. I'm happily back together with my ex girlfriend. Things are going swimmingly. I dwell on that word. Swimmingly. Rain clouds gather outside. A thunderstorm begins. The girl and I run out to my car, as she grabs the passenger door handle the car is struck by lightning. She has a stroke and half of her face becomes paralyzed. My car starts to fill with water again. Why is everything dripping? Dripping?.. Dripping... My girlfriend's face is melting. The color bleeds off her face and onto the ground. Her clay face becomes dis-shapened and I suddenly have the right to make up words. Her eyes melt and globs of white streak down her tar like being. She becomes a puddle of muck as I stand in the rain watching my life melt away.

*Pause.* I must apologize. One year without an English class and my punctuation goes to shit. Eww.

When I awake I'm walking down a dark street with a friend. Drunk. I see a nearby car and think it funny to pour some vodka on the hood in the form of a smiley face. My friend finds it even funnier to set said smiley ablaze. Knowing alcohol, cars, and fire, the situation becomes heated. For a second the smile lights up, cute and flaming. Then it winks at me.

The car bursts into flames.

My friend begins to laugh and throws his bottle of vodka on the roof of the car, not noticing the little girl walking down the sidewalk next time the vehicle. As the bottle smashes, the girl is pelted with shrapnel and becomes soaked in highly flammable hundred-and-something-proof vodka. Knowing fumes... the girl is set ablaze as well. My friend laughs as she runs into the street screaming. She collapses to the asphalt, writhing in agony, moaning. She quickly becomes little more than a charred corpse. As I watch in horror, her eyeballs melt and pour down her cheeks.

I run. I run so fucking far away. Back across the street to my hole in the wall apartment. Literally. Like, Hulk smashed this wall and the big opening in the bricks is my doorway... on the third floor. How about that, eh? I climb up the rope ladder and into my living room. As I turn to look back at the crime scene I hear sirens. Thank Jesus, an ambulance pulls up next to the charcoal, I mean, girl. As they hop out of the back with the stretcher, the nearby flaming car explodes. Within milliseconds the ambulance explodes, killing the rescue crew. I fall to my knees and begin to cry.

After an hour I decide to visit my friend in the complex and I step out into the hall. A group of science fiction cosplayers are throwing a hall-party, just my luck. I get crowd surfed all the way to my friend's apartment and on my way in two cat-girls give me their phone numbers. I'll call them from jail. My friend is watching farmer vision on his retro television, bunny-ears and all. After filling him in on the situation I ask if I can stay the night on his couch. He agrees on the condition that I don't keep him up any longer. He has to tend to the golf course in the morning.

I wake up. Lift my head. I'm at the office. The seniors walk past me shaking their heads. I need to wake up... So I walk to the other end of the office and enter the Wal-Mart section. Frozen goods, children's toys, produce... Drinks! Cola, cola, tonic, sprite, Energy drinks. Sweet sweet lifeblood. I have about four RedRains and head back to my desk, just in time to answer a call from my mother. Odd. She's calling from 1-800-Got-Blud...

"Hello?"
"I don't like living without a heart" she says to me.
I have an image of my mother covered in blood in a bathtub of ice.
"What?"
"Remember when my ex boyfriend kidnapped me yesterday, in the truck?" she adds.
I have a flashback. He's got her over his shoulder as he runs out of the house. Throws her in the trunk, hops in the truck, and drives away. His head spins around like in the exorcist and he laughs like a maniac.
"I don't like living without a heart..." are her dying words.

I fall to the floor for the second time this dream session, but this time, only to die.
I don't like living without a heart.