On the afternoon of July 17th, Blues got to bed WAY too late after a night of working on his Aikon costume...
Anybody ever buy a flowbee? The magical hair cutting tool that's got a little grate with a fan behind it. This fan is powered by a vacuum. Now, in the future they have flowbees that run on superpowered TriLithium Chloride... Apparently. This flowbees never need to be plugged into a wall and believe it or not they have remote controls! These flowbees and float freely through the skys cutting the hair of whoever you please!
This was the infomercial that kicked off my dreams.
Whoever you please? Hmm... I thought for about half a moment and came to this conclusion. I wanna shave my pussy. *Whistles* "SUE! SUE GET OVER HERE!"
As my cat runs into the room I send the flowbee spiraling across the room and onto her back. The first fan (closest to the grate) gets caught in her fur and the second fan kicks into overdrive. What I have now is a flying cat! I pick Sue up a few feet off the ground, when the flowbee gives way and she drops. Down descends my flowbee, up goes the cat. Wash, rinse, repeat.
After a very enjoyable time I wonder what it would be like if I did this to myself, I mean, it's likely that since I'm a human it'll do a fine job of cutting my hair and that will be that. But I've never been a believer in what's LIKELY to happen. No, no, this flowbee can pick me up I'm sure.
Well... It can't. I get the worlds worst haircut. I drop to my knees and pull out my razor. "Jesus, why have you done this to me? Why must you take all that is beautiful from my life?" These are the words I repeat over and over. I started off weeping and worked my way to screaming them. Contrary to what I've lead you to believe, screaming these words was far from passionate. This is because at the same time I was using my razor to cut a cross into my face. A thick cross that I would be able to peel off.
The bottom thick yet the edges bend inwards towards my nose, bending outwards again under my eyes. Stop. Up to my brow. Stop. Curve back down over the top of my eyes and back to the bridge of my nose. Stop. Up to my hairline and curve inward to meet again.
I tear off this cross quickly like a bandaid, and like anyone does with a normal bandaid I check if it's still sticky. I slap it around my wrist and it fits like a new bracelet. Now it's time to show off my new costume to the folks at Aikon. I drive downtown and attempt to exit my vehicle. Oh... Am I being mugged? They fire countless rounds into my body. Oddly enough, with every bullet that pierces my body my grin becomes a little larger. Becoming a smile. Becoming madness. I laugh. I laugh hysterically as my body gets blown apart. With my swiss cheese arms I pull out my revolvers... And blow away some f**king faces. Black holes remain (?) where these faces used to be and they start sucking up my worlds. Everything spins. Spiraling into these holes, the world distorts, stretches, and pours like a rooftop-painting being rained on would distort before gushing through the holes of an old roof. The world makes sense to only disturbed minds and schizophrenics, much like my last analogy.
I awake, it's just a dream. I've fallen asleep in the backseat of a friend's car.
"We're almost there."
We pull into the driveway. Exit the vehicle. Walk into the back yard and sit down at the table. This bbq is going to be excellent!
"Hey Josh, how do you like your gangsters?"
"Rare."
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